The Aardvark Stays in the Picture
by Dead Composer
Summary: Arthur has won a part on The Bionic Bunny Show, but will he lose Francine forever?
1. Chapter 1

This fic is rated PG for one scary scene of mortal peril, and occasional mention of suicide (although nobody commits it).  
  
Disclaimer: Yada yada Marc Brown yada yada yada Arthur yada yada D.W.  
  
----  
  
In the near-darkness of the cave, two lone, battered figures struggled to make their way up the rock face to the light at the top. One of them was Bionic Bunny, his powers nearly drained from repeated battles with the demonic minions of the sorceress Morgana la Fea. The other was his young sidekick, Cyberpunk, an aardvark boy wearing red tights and a visor.  
  
"Have we saved the world yet, Bionic Bunny?" Cyberpunk asked, breathing heavily.  
  
"Just a little further, Cyberpunk," said Bionic Bunny weakly.  
  
After several more minutes of climbing, the pair finally reached an opening that led into a brightly lit chamber. In the center of the chamber stood a pedestal, upon which sat a shining golden goblet with numerous holes punched through its surface.  
  
"There it is," said Bionic Bunny triumphantly. "The Holy Grail!"  
  
"Holy swiss cheese!" Cyberpunk remarked. "How's anybody supposed to drink out of that thing?"  
  
"It's not for drinking," said Bionic Bunny as he struggled to his feet. "The Grail has the power to heal all sicknesses. But in the hands of the evil sorceress Morgana la Fea, it could be used to destroy the world!"  
  
Suddenly a woman's evil laughter echoed loudly throughout the chamber...  
  
"Right on cue," Bionic Bunny quipped.  
  
As the two heroes watched, a hideous old woman with wavy, snakelike hair and ragged robes materialized between them and the Grail.  
  
"Bwahahaha!" exulted Morgana la Fea. "You led me right to the Grail. Now its unlimited power will be mine!"  
  
Gathering their strength, Bionic Bunny and Cyberpunk prepared to pounce on the evil sorceress. Before they could act, Morgana raised her hand and caused iron bars to materialize around them, imprisoning them. Bionic Bunny attempted to bend the bars with his hands while Cyberpunk tried to melt them with his eye laser, but their powers had become too weak.  
  
Still laughing wickedly, Morgana took the Grail in her hand, and began to examine it.  
  
"There's something written on it," she said curiously. "It's Latin. DEUS EX MACHINA..."  
  
Suddenly a burst of energy issued from the Grail, causing Morgana to drop it. As she watched in horror, the flesh of her hand rapidly turned to stone...  
  
"My hand! My skin! NOOOOO...."  
  
Before she could react, the petrification spread through her arm, then her entire body, until she was transformed into an immobile stone statue.  
  
The bars holding Bionic Bunny and Cyberpunk dissolved into vapor. Bionic Bunny carefully picked up the Grail from the floor.  
  
"Holy Venus de Milo, Bionic Bunny!" exclaimed Cyberpunk as he examined the statue that had been Morgana. "What happened to her?"  
  
"Very simple," Bionic Bunny explained. "Morgana had never touched anything as pure as the Grail. Her evil molecules couldn't handle it, so they turned to stone."  
  
"No, really," said Cyberpunk impatiently. "Tell me what happened to her."  
  
"Not now," said Bionic Bunny. "We must put the healing powers of the Grail to the test. Quickly, to the childrens' cancer ward!"  
  
As the two superheroes hurried away, the cloud of dust they left behind formed the words THE END.  
  
The end credits rolled, and the smiling face of a newscaster fox appeared.  
  
"Hey, all, Fox Hansom here with Entertainment News," said the newscaster, showing off his perfect white teeth at every opportunity. "I'm here today with two very special guests..."  
  
Sitting next to Fox were the two stars of The Bionic Bunny Show.  
  
"...the B-man himself, Wilbur Rabbit, and the extraordinary young acting phenomenon, the boy behind Cyberpunk's visor...Arthur Read!"  
  
(Yes, you heard right. Chapter 2 coming soon!) 


	2. Chapter 2

"Bionic Bunny was already a popular show," said Fox Hansom as he mugged for the camera, "but when Cyberpunk got on board, the ratings went through the roof! To what do you attribute that, Mr. Rabbit?"  
  
"Please, call me Wilbur," said Wilbur Rabbit. "There are so many Mr. Rabbits that it's hard to know who you're talking to."  
  
Fox chuckled. "Of course. So, Wilbur, what is it about Cyberpunk that attracts so many viewers?"  
  
"Well, Fox, I think part of it has to do with the fact that Cyberpunk is such a well-realized character, but mostly it's because we found the right boy to fill his tights. Arthur has everything we're looking for--talent, charm, looks--not only that, but his glasses are just like mine."  
  
Arthur laughed.  
  
"Thanks a lot, Wilbur," said Fox, smiling. "But I'm sure all you viewers didn't tune in to watch me and Wilbur Rabbit go back and forth. No, you want to hear the voice of the wonder aardvark himself!"  
  
Fox handed the microphone to Arthur. He held it up to his mouth nervously.  
  
"Uh...hi, Mom," he mumbled, waving.  
  
Hundreds of miles away in Elwood City, Dave and Jane Read sat on the couch with D.W., watching TV. Kate crawled around on the floor, gurgling.  
  
Mrs. Read waved proudly at Arthur. D.W. stuck out her tongue and made a weird face.  
  
"Your face is gonna freeze like that, D.W.," said Arthur to the viewing audience. D.W. quickly retracted her tongue.  
  
"Let me tell you how I got this part," Arthur went on. "The people who work for the show came to Elwood City to hold an audition. All the kids signed up...well, all the boys, anyway...and a few girls..."  
  
----  
  
"I am Doctor Ector from the planet Korn!" shouted Buster as he waved his claw. "I have come to assist Bionic Bunny with alien technology and wise counsel!"  
  
As Buster strutted about on the stage, Wilbur Rabbit and the casting director, Will Call (an eagle person), watched from the stadium seats. Mr. Call took copious notes.  
  
"All who serve evil burn at the touch of Doctor Ector!" cried Buster just before tripping over his robe and landing face first on the stage.  
  
"Thanks," said Mr. Call finally. "We'll call."  
  
As Buster exited the stage, George entered from the opposite side.  
  
"They call me Hammer," he said nervously, "because...because I'm really tough and...uh...oh, wait, I've got it..."  
  
"No antlers," Wilbur muttered to Mr. Call.  
  
"We'll call," said Mr. Call to George.  
  
George exited, and Sue Ellen strode confidently onto the stage, dressed in a martial arts robe. After demonstrating a few punches, kicks, and flips, she started singing to the tune of the 70's cartoon show, Hong Kong Phooey:  
  
"Chop Chop Suey, number one super girl! Chop Chop Suey, fastest fists in the world!"  
  
"Not bad," said Mr. Call, nodding. "We'll be in touch."  
  
Sue Ellen leaped off the stage, and Fern entered. Wilbur pulled off his glasses and started to wipe them on his shirt.  
  
"Never fear," Fern proclaimed boldly, "Rhyme Girl is here! I speak in rhyme, all the time! Without me, Bionic Bunny just wouldn't be funny!"  
  
"Don't pout on your way out," Mr. Call quipped.  
  
As Fern left the stage, Brain entered.  
  
"I am Calculon, the human calculator," he announced. "Ask me any math question, and I will figure it out in my head."  
  
Mr. Call took a deep breath. "Approximate pi to the first two hundred digits."  
  
Brain started to lose his nerve. "Uh, 3.14159...er..."  
  
"Come back when you've got it," said Mr. Call.  
  
As Brain walked off the stage, still muttering digits under his breath, Arthur entered, wearing a gray sweatsuit and his usual glasses.  
  
Wilbur's eyes narrowed when he saw Arthur. "Wait a minute..."  
  
Arthur removed his glasses and placed them in one of his pockets. Then he pulled a black visor from his other pocket and placed it over his eyes.  
  
"I am...Cyberpunk!" he shouted.  
  
"I know this kid," Wilbur said quietly.  
  
"Cyberpunk," said Mr. Call. "Catchy name."  
  
"I was an all-around slacker and aspiring garage metal guitarist," said Arthur. "My mom thought I was worthless, until she signed me up for a secret government experiment and found out how much I really was worth! Now I can do everything that Bionic Bunny can do, and with eye lasers to boot! Introducing Cyberpunk...the hero who will ROCK...YOUR...WORLD!"  
  
"Yacht Boy," said Wilbur Rabbit, almost loud enough for Arthur to hear. "That's Yacht Boy!"  
  
"We'll be in touch," said Mr. Call.  
  
As Arthur walked off the stage, still playing his air guitar, a cat boy took his place in the spotlight.  
  
"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more," said the cat boy with impressive stentorian tones, "or close the wall up with our English dead..."  
  
Arthur joined his friends in the hallway, and Buster gave him a high-five.  
  
"That was really good," said Buster. "But we don't have a chance."  
  
"Why not, Buster?" asked Brain.  
  
"That's Floyd Walton in there," said Buster in a discouraged voice. "He's the best actor in the whole school. Listen to him. He's still going. He must have memorized the whole play!"  
  
"What play is it?" asked Sue Ellen.  
  
"Henry V, by Shakespeare," Brain answered. "I've seen the movie."  
  
"Not me," said Fern. "I hate sequels."  
  
A short while later, Binky stood in the spotlight, shaking a fist threateningly. "If you thought Bionic Bunny was tough, just wait till you meet Ham Fist. Let the clobbering begin!"  
  
"Thanks," said Mr. Call. "We'll call."  
  
As Binky walked off the stage, Wilbur and Mr. Call started to consult with each other.  
  
"That Shakespeare boy was something else," said Mr. Call. "He should be aiming higher than this. Still, if he really wants the part..."  
  
"I want Yacht Boy," said Wilbur firmly.  
  
"What do you mean, Yacht Boy?"  
  
"The last time I came to Elwood City," Wilbur Rabbit recounted, "he and his little girlfriend plucked me from the ocean. I'll tell you the whole story later."  
  
"He does have a lot of enthusiasm," said Mr. Call, "but I've got a sharp eye for talent, and that Shakespeare boy...Floyd is his name...he's got three times as much."  
  
"Shakespeare, Schmakespeare," said Wilbur. "Kids don't watch our show to hear sonnets. The final decision is yours, of course, but remember, whoever you choose has to work with me."  
  
"Very well," said Mr. Call. "Yacht Boy it is. Arthur Read."  
  
In one of the nearby exits, Floyd Walton was hidden behind a curtain. The deflated look on his face suggested that he had overheard the entire conversation...  
  
(to be continued) 


	3. Chapter 3

In the hallway next to the theater, Arthur and his friends shared their feelings about the prospect of being cast as a Bionic Bunny sidekick.  
  
"All I can say is," said Binky, "they'd better pick me, or I'll clobber 'em."  
  
Binky imagined himself as Ham Fist, fighting criminals alongside Bionic Bunny. He threw one of his oversized fists at a masked hoodlum, who dodged out of the way. Before Ham Fist knew what had happened, his fist had made a gaping hole in the wall of a building...  
  
...which then promptly collapsed, as the frightened residents hurried out through the doors and fire escapes.  
  
The embarrassed Ham Fist glanced around at the horrified citizens who had witnessed the destruction. "Uh...it was that way when I found it?"  
  
Meanwhile, Sue Ellen imagined herself driving down the street in a run-down jalopy. A light started to flash on the control panel. "Bionic Bunny needs my help!" she exclaimed.  
  
She struck a gong that hung from the rear-view mirror, and suddenly the jalopy morphed into a jet plane and took off into the sky.  
  
"This is job for...Chop Chop Suey!" she said, her lips out of synch with the words.  
  
In the center of the city, a 100-foot-tall gorilla smashed buildings while Bionic Bunny punched it repeatedly and ineffectually. Chop Chop Suey landed her jet plane near the creature's enormous feet and jumped out.  
  
"Time to use ancient Chinese book of martial arts," she said, and once again the movement of her mouth did not match the words. She pulled a large, well-worn book from her pocket, then struck the beast on the leg with it. The giant gorilla suddenly lost consciousness and fell on its face.  
  
Moments later, Bionic Bunny shook hands with Chop Chop Suey. "Thanks for your help. I couldn't have done it without..."  
  
Suddenly Buster, dressed up as Doctor Ector, wedged himself in between the two heroes. "What do you mean?" he asked Bionic Bunny. "One blast from my particle gun, and it would've been over."  
  
Binky forced his way into the group. "What you need is some bigger fists to back you up," he said to Bionic Bunny. "You may be bionic, but when you're faced with something the size of the Sydney Opera House..."  
  
Arthur, as Cyberpunk, entered the fray. "You should have let me soften him up with my eye laser."  
  
Then Fern walked up and started to recite poetry. "I grow old, I grow old. I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled..."  
  
Brain was the next to contribute. "The sum of the squares of the sides of a right triangle is equal to the square of the hypotenuse..."  
  
Last of all, Floyd Walton joined the group and tried to shout over them. "Some are born great, some achieve greatness, some have greatness thrust upon them..."  
  
Suddenly their collective fantasy was interrupted by the sound of a door closing. Floyd had entered the hallway, looking somewhat downcast.  
  
"Hey, Floyd," said Buster. "So, how soon do you leave for Hollywood?"  
  
Floyd pretended not to hear Buster. He extended his hand to Arthur, who shook it. "Congratulations, Yacht Boy," he said with a hint of bitterness.  
  
As Floyd walked away, the other kids watched him with puzzlement. "What was that about?" Brain wondered aloud.  
  
"I have no idea," Arthur lied.  
  
A second later, Wilbur Rabbit and Will Call entered the hallway, stood in front of Arthur, and smiled. "You're the one we want," said Mr. Call. "Congratulations."  
  
Arthur was stunned momentarily, then smiled broadly. The lenses of his glasses morphed into a star shape. He turned to his friends. "Did you hear that? I'm gonna be on Bionic Bunny!"  
  
"Way to go, Arthur!" said Buster, giving him another high-five.  
  
Sue Ellen embraced Arthur and kissed him on the cheek. Arthur blushed.  
  
"We'll be calling you in a few days," said Wilbur Rabbit to Arthur. "I look forward to working with you."  
  
As Wilbur and Mr. Call turned to leave, Brain eyed Arthur curiously. "Yacht Boy," he muttered. "Yes, it's coming back to me now..."  
  
"It wasn't my yacht," said Arthur. "It was Muffy's."  
  
"You don't think Wilbur Rabbit picked Arthur because of that incident at sea," Fern said to Brain.  
  
"Show business is like any other business," said Brain. "It's not what you know that gets you ahead, it's who you know."  
  
----  
  
"It's because of kids like Arthur that I keep going back to Elwood City," said Wilbur Rabbit into the camera. "The talent pool there is so incredibly rich."  
  
"Indeed," said the smiling Fox Hansom. "I've been there a few times myself. They have a great ice cream shop called the Sugar Bowl. Now, Arthur, what was your first thought after being told that you had won the role?"  
  
Arthur took the microphone from Fox. "I didn't really have much time to think, since so many things happened right after that. I had to plan my trip to Hollywood, get some fashion advice from my friend Muffy...and something else happened, too...something bad..."  
  
----  
  
Arthur was in his bedroom, practicing superheroic poses, when D.W. rushed into the room, wearing a barette over her eyes.  
  
"Hey, look at me!" she said gleefully. "I'm Slobberpunk! Duuuuuh! I shoot lasers out of my eye thingy! Lalalalala..."  
  
"That's Cyberpunk," Arthur said to D.W. as she waltzed around the room.  
  
Arthur heard the doorbell ring at about the same time that the sightless D.W. tripped over a toy airplane and fell on her nose.  
  
"Arthur," called Mrs. Read, "it's Francine."  
  
Arthur hurried down the stairway to greet his friend, and was surprised to see her on the verge of tears. "Is something wrong?" he asked.  
  
"I just want to talk to somebody," she said, struggling to remain composed. "It's bad, Arthur, it's really bad. Something awful has happened!"  
  
(to be continued) 


	4. Chapter 4

"Your cat died?" asked Arthur hopefully.  
  
"Worse," said Francine miserably. "Much worse."  
  
"Your dad still hasn't found a job," suggested Mrs. Read, who had followed the pair into the living room.  
  
"No, he hasn't," said Francine as she sat on the couch with Arthur.  
  
"It's been two weeks since he was laid off," said Arthur. "He should have found something by now."  
  
"He...he hasn't been looking, Arthur."  
  
"Then what has he been doing?"  
  
Francine's voice rose to an angry pitch.  
  
"He's been gambling!"  
  
Arthur and his mother became speechless.  
  
"At the casino," the girl continued as tears ran down her face. "He lost eight thousand dollars! Catherine was supposed to go to college with that money!"  
  
As the weight of what Francine had just said sank into Mrs. Read's mind, Arthur thought about the casino, the spacious building that so many people had opposed when it was being built...  
  
"We have almost nothing left," said Francine unhappily. "My mom's furious at him. We're all furious at him. Except for Nemo. I'm not sure where he stands."  
  
As Arthur and his mother commiserated with Francine, D.W. came down the stairs, still wearing the barette over her eyes. "Hey, look! I'm Slobberpunk!" she announced.  
  
"Now not, D.W.," said Arthur sternly. "Francine's in trouble."  
  
D.W. removed the hairpiece from her eyes. Her face fell when she saw Francine's tearful state.  
  
Pal bounced into the living room next, carrying his leash in his mouth in hopes of being taken for a walk. "Not now, Pal," Arthur said to him. Pal dropped the leash and started to whine dolefully.  
  
Kate crawled past the group, gurgling happily. "Not now, Kate," said Arthur gloomily. Kate lay down on her stomach and started to whimper.  
  
A moment later Mr. Read marched through the front door. "Who wants chocolate eclairs?" he announced cheerfully.  
  
When he saw the morose assembly in the living room, he became concerned. "Uh...did somebody die?"  
  
Mrs. Read turned to Francine. "I'd better talk to your mother," she said seriously.  
  
----  
  
"I thought he had gotten over the habit," said Mrs. Frensky to Mrs. Read as the two women sat at the dining room table. "I was so wrong. He's as weak as he's ever been."  
  
"I can't imagine what you must be going through," said Mrs. Read, "but I assure you, we'll help in any way we can."  
  
"I'm afraid there may be no help for us now," Mrs. Frensky lamented.  
  
In the living room of the Read home, Arthur was talking with Francine and Catherine.  
  
"I guess the only thing to do now is get really good grades," said Catherine. "Without a scholarship, how can I ever afford college now?"  
  
"We'll just have to join the Army," said Francine sadly.  
  
As D.W. absent-mindedly wandered around the house, she overheard a snippet from Mrs. Frensky. "A good Jewish husband should know well enough to stay away from a place like that. There's more going on than gambling there, you know."  
  
D.W. came into the dining room, curious. "What's she talking about, Mom?"  
  
"You're too young," said Mrs. Read. "Go play with the other kids."  
  
At that moment the doorbell rang. Mrs. Read answered the door, to be greeted by an unshaven Mr. Frensky.  
  
"May I come in, Mrs. Read?" he asked politely.  
  
"Certainly do," Mrs. Read replied. "But I doubt you'll find many people in here who are happy to see you."  
  
"It's not as bad as they make it out to be," said Mr. Frensky as he made his way to the dining room. "It's only a temporary setback."  
  
Mrs. Frensky glowered at him. "I've heard enough of your 'temporary setback' nonsense. That money is gone permanently."  
  
"I'll get it back, I swear!" said Mr. Frensky as he sat at the table next to his wife. "I just need a little more time."  
  
"And how do you propose to get it back?" said Mrs. Frensky angrily. "More gambling? Betting on the races? Selling drugs? Pardon my skepticism, but a man with no skills doesn't come up with eight thousand dollars overnight through honest labor."  
  
In the living room, Francine cradled her head in her hands. "They've been arguing like this all day," she moaned. "There's no end in sight."  
  
"Oh, there's an end in sight," said Catherine ominously. "That's what I'm afraid of."  
  
A second later, something unusual (but not unheard of in the Read household) occurred...the doorbell and the telephone rang at the same time.  
  
"Arthur, get the phone," said Mrs. Read as the went to the front door. As she opened it, she saw Ed and Millicent Crosswire and their daughter, Muffy.  
  
Meanwhile, Arthur was surprised to hear the voice of Bionic Bunny himself, Wilbur Rabbit, greeting him over the phone.  
  
"Good day to you, Mrs. Read," said Mr. Crosswire as he set down his briefcase next to the coat rack. "We heard the Frenskys are having some difficulties, and we were told that they had come here..."  
  
"You're all welcome to come in," said Mrs. Read.  
  
"Uh, hi, Mr. Rabbit...er, Wilbur," said Arthur over the phone. "No, I haven't been to Hollywood before. No, next weekend shouldn't be a problem."  
  
In the meantime, Muffy's parents had pulled up chairs and seated themselves at the table with Mrs. Read and the Frenskys.  
  
"That's kind of you, Ed," said Mr. Frensky to Mr. Crosswire, "but I don't know how I would ever pay you back. I'm without a job at the moment."  
  
"I know you'll find a way," said Mr. Crosswire. "I've never had a Quaker welch on a loan before."  
  
"I'm Jewish," Mr. Frensky reminded him.  
  
"Even better."  
  
"You know Oliver will never take your money," Mrs. Frensky said to Mr. Crosswire. "And if he did, he'd only blow it on the roulette table."  
  
As the adults gathered at the table continued to bicker, Muffy greeted Francine, Catherine, and D.W. in the living room.  
  
"I heard all about what happened," she said to Francine. "I wouldn't fret about it. Eight thousand dollars is a drop in the bucket."  
  
"For you, maybe," Francine retorted. "You probably lose that much every year in the laundry."  
  
"For us, it's the sum of all our hopes," said Catherine glumly. "You're so rich, you wouldn't understand."  
  
"I wonder if this would be a good time to ask Mom for more allowance," said D.W.  
  
Arthur, meanwhile, continued his phone conversation. "Do you want me to wear anything special for the screen test?" he asked.  
  
"You can keep your money," said Mr. Frensky to Mr. Crosswire. "I don't want to become your vassal."  
  
"Who said anything about you joining my sales team?" Mr. Crosswire shot back.  
  
"I'll go back to school," Mr. Frensky offered. "I'll get my GED. I'll even get an office job and go to work every morning in a suit and tie if I have to."  
  
"It's too little, too late," countered Mrs. Frensky. "No, Oliver Frensky, you've frittered away our hopes for the last time."  
  
In the living room, Muffy sat on the floor, fiddling with her braids and looking bored. "I don't see why this has to be so complicated," she remarked.  
  
"I hate to say this," Catherine said to her, "but maybe this is one of those problems that can't be solved by writing someone a check."  
  
Muffy became pensive for a few seconds.  
  
"Maybe you're right," she finally said. "What we need is someone who knows how to make peace between warring parties." She picked up her cell phone and dialed a number. "Hi, Sue Ellen. Is your dad busy?"  
  
Fifteen minutes later, the debate continued to rage in the Read dining room, but now the Armstrongs had become involved as well.  
  
"Calm down, everybody," Mr. Armstrong urged the others. "I'm sure we can arrive at an agreement that will benefit both sides."  
  
"I know what will benefit me," said Mrs. Frensky hotly. "One less compulsive gambler in the family."  
  
"You don't really mean that," said Mrs. Armstrong, who had been one of the casino's most vocal opponents during the time when it was built. "Yes, he's weak, but we're all weak. The casino just took advantage of his weakness. He's no more to blame for what happened to him than a fish is to blame for getting caught. If anyone is ultimately to blame, it's Mayor Crook."  
  
"His name is Cook," said Mr. Frensky. "Mayor Cook."  
  
"There wouldn't be a casino if not for his greed and shortsightedness," Mrs. Armstrong went on. "The man is a criminal. And I would call him one right to his face. Again."  
  
At the same time, Arthur was concluding his phone conversation. "Yeah, I'll see you next weekend. Sorry for all the noise. Grownups fighting over money. You know how it is. Talk to you later."  
  
Arthur hung up the phone and went to talk to his mother. "Mom?"  
  
"Yes, Arthur?" said Mrs. Read impatiently.  
  
"They want me to go to Hollywood next weekend for a screen test."  
  
"That's lovely, dear," said Mrs. Read curtly.  
  
Arthur sighed and made his way into the living room, where the other children were trying in vain to make sense of the situation.  
  
"I don't know what you hoped to accomplish by getting my parents involved," Sue Ellen said to Muffy. "The casino's one of my mom's hot buttons. She'll do nothing but complain about it."  
  
"That's good," said Francine. "We need more people to complain about it. That place should be shut down before more people suffer."  
  
"Who were you talking to on the phone, Arthur?" Muffy asked.  
  
"Wilbur Rabbit," Arthur answered emotionlessly. "He wants me in Hollywood next weekend for a screen test."  
  
"Cool," said Catherine. "At least one of us is having good luck."  
  
"Now we can watch you on TV in our trailer park," Francine added.  
  
"I wonder if he remembers me," said Muffy.  
  
"Knock 'em dead, big brother," said D.W., smiling.  
  
(Chapter 5 coming soon...) 


	5. Chapter 5

----  
  
"It was a tough time for Francine," Arthur continued, "but the worst was yet to come. How much time do we have left?"  
  
"Uh...five more minutes until the next commercial break," said Fox Hansom, glancing at the clock on the wall. "Go on, I'm sure everybody in the viewing audience is on pins and needles waiting to find out what happens to Francine."  
  
In the Read living room, D.W. and her parents had fallen asleep on the couch.  
  
"So anyway," Arthur went on, "Francine's mom stayed in our guest bedroom that night, because she was so angry at her husband. And things didn't get any better the next day..."  
  
----  
  
"I haven't seen or heard from Francine this morning," said Muffy as she took a seat next to Arthur and Buster.  
  
"Me neither," said Arthur. "Not since last night, when she took off with Catherine."  
  
"I hope nothing bad has happened to her," said Buster. "I mean, besides the bad things that have already happened to her."  
  
Mr. Ratburn called the class to order. "Good morning, children. Before we get started, I have some good news and some sad news. The good news is, Arthur is going to Hollywood next weekend."  
  
Arthur smiled as the other kids clapped and cheered.  
  
"Is he coming back?" asked Binky.  
  
"Of course," said Mr. Ratburn. "Periodically, at least."  
  
"What's periodically?" Binky wondered.  
  
"From time to time," Mr. Ratburn explained.  
  
George raised his hand. "What's the sad news?"  
  
"It's about Francine's dad," said Jenna. "He's a no-good, worthless..."  
  
"Now, Jenna, let's not make any rash judgments," said Mr. Ratburn. "Not until we know all the facts."  
  
"But it's true, isn't it?" Brain interjected. "Any man who would gamble away his daughter's college fund..."  
  
Mr. Ratburn raised a hand to silence Brain. "This isn't the time or place, Alan. Now, I received a note this morning from Francine's mother..."  
  
The kids gazed with breathless anticipation as Mr. Ratburn pulled a sheet of paper from his pocket and unfolded it. "Dear Mr. Ratburn," he read, "please excuse Francine Frensky from your class today and for the foreseeable future, as she is moving to another city for an indefinite amount of time."  
  
The children started to murmur among themselves. Binky raised his hand. "What's..."  
  
"Indefinite means they don't know how long they'll be gone," Mr. Ratburn explained.  
  
"So it could be a few days, or it could be forever," Fern observed.  
  
"I feel like I've been in third grade for an indefinite amount of time," said Buster.  
  
"Yeah," Arthur added. "Feels like years."  
  
"Where are they going?" Sue Ellen asked. "Did they say?"  
  
"She didn't specify a location," Mr. Ratburn replied.  
  
"I'll call her after class," said Muffy as she held up her cell phone. "I'll try to find out as much as I can."  
  
----  
  
"My uncle Max lives in Town City," said Francine into the phone. "I think that's where we're going, until Mom finds a place to live." Behind her, Mrs. Frensky and Catherine were laying articles of clothing into suitcases.  
  
"Call me when you get there." Muffy sat on a bench in the center court of the school, holding her cell phone to her face.  
  
"It doesn't look good at all," said Francine, her voice starting to break. "This could be the end of our family. I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave Dad, but Catherine says if I stay with him, I'll end up having to sell myself on the street. Whatever that means."  
  
Muffy's voice took on a patronizing tone. "You know, Francine, all of this could be avoided if..."  
  
"Muffy, if what you're about to say is about money, then don't say it," Francine snapped. "Money won't solve our problems. We had money, and now it's gone!"  
  
"I'm sorry," said Muffy meekly.  
  
"I'll be at the soccer field during morning recess," said Francine emotionally. "Get everybody together. There's something really important I want to tell them."  
  
As Muffy wrapped up her cell phone conversation, Arthur saw a group of fourth-graders approaching as he walked down the hallway. Among them was Prunella and the talented young actor, Floyd Walton.  
  
"Uh, Floyd?" said Arthur hesitantly as Floyd started to walk past him.  
  
"What?" Floyd stopped, and looked none too happy to see Arthur.  
  
"I...heard that you dropped out of the school play."  
  
"What about it?" said Floyd impatiently.  
  
Arthur cleared his throat. "Well...I was just curious..."  
  
"Why I dropped out?" Floyd finished his thought.  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"Maybe I've decided to pursue other interests," said Floyd evasively. "But that doesn't concern you."  
  
Arthur regarded Floyd curiously as he walked away. "I didn't realize he had other interests besides acting," he thought.  
  
----  
  
During morning recess, the kids in Mr. Ratburn's class, including Francine, gathered at the edge of the soccer field.  
  
"I want you to listen to what I say carefully, and take it to heart," said Francine solemnly. "My mom's leaving, and she's taking Catherine and me with her. She may even go so far as a divorce, I don't know. But I may be gone for a long time."  
  
"We'll visit you," said Muffy. "It's no trouble. I've got a chauffeured limo at my disposal, after all."  
  
"That's fine, Muffy," Francine went on, "but that's not why I called you here. I'm worried about my dad."  
  
"Who cares about him?" Jenna interrupted. "If my dad did something like that, I'd..."  
  
"Shut up!" cried Francine.  
  
Jenna and the other kids gaped at her in surprise.  
  
"I'm sorry," said Francine humbly. "But I still love my dad, in spite of what he's done. And maybe leaving him is the smart thing to do. But..."  
  
The kids fixed their wondering gaze on Francine as she gathered up courage.  
  
"Imagine yourself in his place," she finally continued. "You've lost your job, you've lost all your money, and now you're losing your family. How would that make you feel?"  
  
After a moment's silence, Arthur spoke up. "I...guess I would be really upset."  
  
"How upset would you be?" Francine prodded him.  
  
"Uh..."  
  
The usually quiet Fern spoke up. "If I were in that situation," she said somberly, "I would be completely devastated. I might even consider..."  
  
The kids looked at Fern anxiously.  
  
"...suicide," Fern finished.  
  
Arthur gasped. Binky swallowed.  
  
"That's right, Fern," said Francine seriously. "Just because we're children doesn't mean we can't face reality."  
  
"What can we do?" Brain asked.  
  
"Go to my dad. Cheer him up. Try to give him hope."  
  
"I have some good jokes I could tell him," said Buster helpfully.  
  
"That'll help," said Francine. "But most importantly, help him get back on his feet. Tell him that if he gets a new job, and stays away from the casino, then he may get his family back."  
  
"We'll do it," said Arthur confidently.  
  
"You can count on us," said Sue Ellen.  
  
"I knew I could," said Francine, smiling. "Now get to class. I'll see you again during lunch hour."  
  
As the kids waved farewell to Francine and headed back toward the school building, Muffy turned to speak with Francine.  
  
"Do you really believe that?" she asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"That if your dad cleans up his act, your mom will come back."  
  
Francine's face fell. "No. No, not really."  
  
(to be continued) 


	6. Chapter 6

----  
  
"So from that day on," said Arthur into the microphone, "we did our best to keep Mr. Frensky happy, and keep him looking for a job. It wasn't always easy. There weren't many jobs available in Elwood City, and Mr. Frensky started to get annoyed with us after a while."  
  
----  
  
Mr. Frensky sat at a picnic table in the city park, looking dejected after a long and fruitless day of job searching. Buster and Fern, who were playing nearby, saw him and reeled in their kites. They approached and sat down at the table opposite him.  
  
"Hi, Mr. Frensky," said Fern cheerfully. "How are you feeling today?"  
  
"I've had better days," Mr. Frensky mumbled drearily.  
  
"Any luck finding a job?" asked Buster with an insincere smile.  
  
Annoyed, Mr. Frensky slapped his hands on the table. "Why can't you leave me alone? You kids follow me everywhere! Is this some kind of vast third-grade conspiracy?"  
  
Mr. Frensky rose from the table and walked away, his hands in his pockets.  
  
"What a grouch," Fern remarked.  
  
"We're a conspiracy," said Buster, smiling vacuously. "Cool."  
  
----  
  
"And what about Francine?" asked Fox Hansom. "How did she feel about having to leave Elwood City and all her friends?"  
  
"I don't know for sure," said Arthur. "Pretty sad, I guess."  
  
----  
  
In a passenger bus traveling down an interstate highway, Mrs. Frensky sat together with Francine and Catherine. Two suitcases rested on the floor next to them, in addition to the luggage they had stowed in the overhead compartment. On Francine's lap sat a pet carrier box, in which Nemo obliviously groomed himself.  
  
The bus approached a sign that read, LEAVING ELWOOD CITY. PLEASE COME BACK. Francine's eyes welled up with tears as she watched the sign pass. Mrs. Frensky noticed her sorrow and placed an arm around her shoulder.  
  
Moments later the bus passed another sign, which read, TOWN CITY 156 MILES.  
  
"I hope Dad will be all right," said Francine.  
  
"I feel more sorry for him than I do for us," Catherine added. "After all, we've still got each other, but what does he have?"  
  
Mrs. Frensky said nothing.  
  
The bus passed a sign that featured a smiling, waving persimmon, and the words TOWN CITY, PERSIMMON CAPITOL OF THE USA.  
  
"Mmm," said Catherine. "Pershimmonsh."  
  
Another sign passed by: TOWN CITY ACCORDION FESTIVAL, MAY 16.  
  
"I don't know how Sue Ellen does it," said Francine. "Leaving her friends behind again and again. It's hard enough for me to do it once."  
  
"I suppose she'd get used to it after a while," Catherine observed.  
  
A few more signs passed by, advertising such Town City attractions as the Temple of Cosmic Awareness, the World's Largest UFO Museum, and the International Headquarters of the Flat Earth Society.  
  
"Mom," Francine asked earnestly, "are you sure Uncle Max lives in Town City and not Crown City?"  
  
Finally, a large sign appeared with the simple message, TOWN CITY WELCOMES EVERYBODY. The word EVERYBODY was written in huge, psychedelically colorful letters.  
  
The Frenskys remained more or less speechless for the remainder of the trip to Town City (population 65,000).  
  
The bus came to a stop at the station, and Francine, Catherine, and Mrs. Frensky pulled their suitcases out to the curb, where they awaited a taxi.  
  
Francine and Catherine looked around at the strangely dressed and groomed individuals who stood at the curb. There was a punk rabbit woman whose left ear had been split halfway down the middle, a pig man whose T-shirt bore the message I WAS PROBED AT THE TOWN CITY UFO MUSEUM, and...strangest of all... a human couple.  
  
"Whoa," said Catherine. "Just when you think you've seen everything."  
  
"You'll meet all kinds of people here," Mrs. Frensky told her daughters. "It's a very accepting place."  
  
"In other words," said Francine, "people come here after they've been kicked out of everyplace else."  
  
"We will soooo not fit in here," said Catherine gloomily.  
  
A taxi pulled up to the curb and drove away with the punk rabbit woman. Seconds later, a pair of male Siamese twins, joined at the forehead, walked over and stood next to Francine. (The twins were, naturally, anthropomorphic Siamese cats.) She looked at them curiously, having never seen two people like this before.  
  
"Hi there," said one of the twins.  
  
"New in town?" asked the other.  
  
"Uh...yeah," said Francine bashfully.  
  
Several seconds passed in silence as Francine and the twins stared at each other.  
  
"If you don't mind my asking," Francine inquired, "how did you get that way?"  
  
"We don't mind you asking at all," said one of the twins.  
  
"Elective surgery," explained the other.  
  
Francine was stunned momentarily. "You mean...you chose to be like that?"  
  
"Does that offend you?" said one of the twins indignantly.  
  
"No," said Francine. "Not at all."  
  
"Good," said the other twin.  
  
Another taxi arrived shortly thereafter, and Mrs. Frensky and her daughters stuffed their suitcases into the trunk. As they climbed into the vehicle, the driver, a dog man, asked, "Where to, ma'am?"  
  
"Washington and Sumac," Mrs. Frensky replied.  
  
As the girls fastened their seat belts in the back, the taxi driver pulled away from the curb.  
  
"You don't look like you're from here," said the driver. "And it's not tourist season. Are you visiting someone?"  
  
"Yes, we are," said Mrs. Frensky. "We have relatives."  
  
"Where are you from?" asked the driver in a friendly manner.  
  
"Elwood City," Mrs. Frensky answered.  
  
"Ah," said the driver. "I lived there for a short time become I came here. Beautiful city. There's this great ice cream shop called the Sugar Bowl..."  
  
"We know," said Francine.  
  
The driver looked at Francine and Catherine out of the corner of his eye. "So, you boys are in school?"  
  
"We're girls," Catherine corrected him.  
  
"Sorry about that," said the driver. "It's not always easy to tell around here."  
  
"So what brought you here?" Mrs. Frensky asked the driver.  
  
The driver was quiet for a moment. "Well, I certainly enjoyed my time in Elwood City, but after I had the operation, I felt I would be more comfortable living here."  
  
"Operation?"  
  
"Yes," said the driver. "I used to be a cat."  
  
(Chapter 7 coming soon...) 


	7. Chapter 7

Author's note: Mrs. Frensky's first name has not been revealed in any episodes I'm aware of, so I will call her Linda.  
  
----  
  
Not long afterward, the taxi came to a stop at the intersection of Washington and Sumac. Mrs. Frensky paid the driver, then she and the girls unloaded their luggage from the trunk of the taxi. While they were doing this, a man approached them from one of the nearby houses, smiling. He was dressed in a ragged T-shirt and sandals, and had a monkey-like face as the Frenskys did.  
  
"Need some help with those?" he offered.  
  
Catherine grinned happily when she saw the man. "Uncle Max!" she exclaimed. "I haven't seen you for five years!"  
  
"So good to see you again, Max," said Mrs. Frensky to her brother. "I'm sorry I haven't visited more often, but..."  
  
"Perfectly all right, Linda," said Max understandingly. "Look how much the girls have grown! Francine was, what, three when I last saw her?"  
  
"That would explain why I don't recognize you," said Francine as the taxi drove away.  
  
Shortly another man walked up to the group--a moose man with a large build and well-trimmed antlers. "I don't think you've met Hugo," said Max, gesturing at his moose friend.  
  
"Very happy to meet you," said Hugo with a thick Swedish accent.  
  
"And I'm pleased to meet you," said Mrs. Frensky as she shook hands with Hugo. "You're not the same one I remember."  
  
"You're thinking of Chip," Max explained. "He didn't stay very long. But that's ancient history."  
  
As the two men helped the Frenskys move their suitcases into their house, Max chatted with Francine. "What do you think of Town City so far?" he asked. "It's not like Elwood at all, is it?"  
  
"No, it's not," said Francine. "It's more like being on another planet."  
  
Max chuckled. "I hear that one all the time."  
  
"So, Uncle Max," asked Francine as she put down Nemo's box inside of Max's house, "where's your friend from?"  
  
"I am from Sveden," Hugo replied.  
  
The Frenskys glanced around at the unusually furnished living room. Besides the designer furniture, there were garish-looking sculptures in the corners, made from clay, glass, and other materials. In addition, the walls were lined with opera posters.  
  
"Hugo's a sculptor," said Max. "He made all these things. As for me, I dream of singing opera some day, but I haven't given up my day job."  
  
"What's your day job?" asked Francine curiously.  
  
"He's a carpenter," said Mrs. Frensky.  
  
"Oh, please," said Max, sounding a bit wounded. "That's like calling John Cage a musician. I'd be happy to take you girls around town and show you some of the houses I've worked on."  
  
"You'll love the house with the giant banana on top," said Mrs. Frensky to the girls.  
  
"You're welcome to stay here as long as you need to," said Max. "We've got plenty of room. Since it's not tourist season, you'll have no trouble finding an apartment. That is, if you're planning to stay here for a long time."  
  
"We have no reason to go back to Elwood City," said Mrs. Frensky bitterly.  
  
"No, you certainly don't," said Max. "If I were in your shoes, I'd walk away and never look back."  
  
"What are the schools like here, Uncle Max?" asked Francine.  
  
"The schools," said Max, smiling broadly. "Oh, you'll love the schools."  
  
----  
  
Standing in the middle of the classroom, Francine looked around in wonder and confusion. Where she expected pictures of presidents and letters of the alphabet, there were posters of waterfalls, forests, and flowered fields on the walls. Even stranger was the fact that she was standing in the middle of the room, instead of at the front. Eight other third-graders were seated in a circle of desks surrounding her. A rat woman wearing a floral dress made of natural fibers sat at a larger desk in front of the blackboard.  
  
"Children, this is Francine," said Ms. Ropeburn. "She's new to our class. Francine, would you like to introduce yourself?"  
  
Francine had never seen a group of stranger-looking kids. There were placards on the desks with their names written, so at least she knew that much about them. She looked around the circle. There was Nick, a Pomeranian boy; Mary Elaine, a mouse girl; Cliff, an expensively-dressed horse boy; Thor, a boy who appeared to be some kind of lizard; Summer, a towering giraffe girl; Janet, a Persian cat girl; Howard, a gazelle boy whose shirt bore the slogan GIVE PIZZA A CHANCE; and Minerva, a girl who was apparently part rabbit and part sheep. Francine became increasingly nervous as she examined them, and they became increasingly impatient with her silence.  
  
"She doesn't have a shred of fashion sense," Cliff muttered to Mary Elaine.  
  
"I think she's an alien," Mary Elaine whispered back.  
  
"I'll bet she never gleeped nothin'," Summer whispered to Thor.  
  
"Uh...I'm Francine Frensky," Francine finally spoke.  
  
Suddenly Janet started to laugh riotously.  
  
"What?" said Francine hotly.  
  
Janet choked out a response through gales of laughter.  
  
"Your...first name...and your last name...start with the same letters!"  
  
Francine rolled her eyes as Janet continued to laugh.  
  
"I don't think she's finished, Janet," said Ms. Ropeburn as she fiddled with the peace symbol that hung from her necklace.  
  
Janet quieted down, and Francine continued.  
  
"My mom and my sister and I just came here from Elwood City. My dad's a garbage man. Well, he was a garbage man, but not anymore. And he may not be my dad for much longer, either."  
  
Mary Elaine raised her hand. "Are you an alien?"  
  
The kids chuckled. Francine looked thoughtful for a moment, then answered, "I'm starting to feel like one."  
  
"Are you done, Francine?" asked Ms. Ropeburn.  
  
"Yes, Ms. Ropeburn," said Francine.  
  
"Before you sit down," Ms. Ropeburn continued, "I'd like you to answer a question for me." She rose from her desk and picked up a piece of chalk from the blackboard.  
  
"Here in Town City we approach education differently," said Ms. Ropeburn as Francine accompanied her in front of the blackboard. "It may not be what you're used to. Now, I'd like you to answer the question I've written on the board, and then we'll talk about your answer."  
  
She handed the chalk to Francine, who looked at the board and observed that Ms. Ropeburn had written 2+2=. Without thinking, Francine quickly wrote out the number 4.  
  
"Thank you, Francine," said Ms. Ropeburn. "Now, would you like to tell us why you chose that particular answer?"  
  
Francine became confused.  
  
"Uh...er...because it's the right answer?"  
  
The kids started to chuckle again. Ms. Ropeburn looked at Francine with a hint of disappointment.  
  
"Francine," she asked, "why do you feel that 4 is the right answer?"  
  
"Uh...because it's the answer I learned at my old school," said the increasingly perplexed Francine.  
  
"Very well," said Ms. Ropeburn, "I respect that. We all respect that, don't we, children?"  
  
The other students nodded complacently.  
  
Francine picked up an eraser, rubbed out the 4 she had written, and handed the chalk to Ms. Ropeburn. "Okay, Ms. Ropeburn, if 4 isn't the right answer, then what is?"  
  
Ms. Roperburn smiled in a patronizing way. "I know this is hard for you. At your old school you were taught that every question has one right answer, and all the other answers are wrong. But that's not what we do here. Don't think of me as a teacher, Francine. Think of me as a facilitator. I'm not here to give you the right answer, but to help you find the answer that you're most comfortable with."  
  
Francine's jaw dropped halfway to the floor.  
  
Ms. Ropeburn wrote a 4 on the board. "I'm comfortable with the idea that 2+2=4. I think we all are. However, if I feel in my heart that 2+2=5, or if Nick feels in his heart that 2+2=K, then we should be respected for that."  
  
"You're crazy," said Francine impulsively.  
  
"What...?"  
  
"You're crazy!" she said again, this time louder. "Two and two make four! It doesn't matter what you feel in your heart! If I have two oranges in one hand, and two oranges in the other hand, then I have FOUR ORANGES!"  
  
Francine was surprised to find that her heart was pounding. She had never been so emotionally involved with a math problem before.  
  
It was still pounding several minutes later as she sat in the principal's office...  
  
"Disrupting class, eh?" said the principal, a bear man with prescription glasses. "Well, since you're new here, I'll go easy on you. Two days' detention, starting today."  
  
Francine sighed.  
  
(to be continued) 


	8. Chapter 8

----  
  
"I was really worried about Francine," said Arthur as Fox Hansom interviewed him. "We all were. It was hard to think about school and homework, let alone the screen test. And my friends were starting to treat me differently, too..."  
  
----  
  
In the center court at Lakewood Elementary, Muffy was sitting on a bench with a morose expression. Arthur saw her while walking by, and sat down next to her.  
  
"Penny for your thoughts," he said kindly.  
  
Muffy didn't answer, but continued to stare into space.  
  
"Nickel?" said Arthur. Muffy still didn't speak.  
  
"Okay, a dollar," Arthur offered. "But that's as high as I'm going."  
  
"Keep your money," Muffy finally said. "I don't need it."  
  
Arthur held his breath, hoping that Muffy would keep talking.  
  
"I miss Francine," she said dolefully.  
  
"So do I," said Arthur. "We all miss her."  
  
"She was my best friend in the whole world," Muffy went on. "If she'd left while I was angry at her, it would've been easier."  
  
Arthur struggled to think of something to say that wouldn't sound trite.  
  
"What good is all my money if I can't help my friends?" Muffy wailed.  
  
Arthur tried to comfort Muffy by putting an arm around her shoulder, but Muffy stood up. "I don't want to be touched right now," she said as she walked away.  
  
Before Arthur had a chance to pull back his arm, Sue Ellen came along and sat down exactly where Muffy had been sitting. As a result, Arthur's arm was now around Sue Ellen's shoulder.  
  
"Hel-lo, Arthur," said Sue Ellen in a sultry voice.  
  
Arthur tried to withdraw his arm, but Sue Ellen leaned her head back to prevent him from doing so.  
  
"I'm so proud of you," she said sweetly. "Fame and fortune at such a young age. The rest of us only dream of it."  
  
"Uh...yeah," said Arthur anxiously. "But I don't have fame and fortune yet. I haven't even passed my screen test. What if I go to Hollywood and mess things up, and they change their minds?"  
  
"A talented boy like you?" said Sue Ellen in a flattering tone. "I don't think so. I may not have a crystal ball like Prunella, but I can tell you're on your way to greatness."  
  
"We'll see," Arthur muttered.  
  
"Would you like to come to my place for dinner tonight? My mom's making daal makhani."  
  
"I'm really sorry, Sue Ellen," said Arthur, "but I'm afraid Jenna got to me first."  
  
Sue Ellen's tone turned to one of disappointment. "Okay. Well, maybe some other time. See you later, Arthur."  
  
As Sue Ellen walked away, Arthur breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
In a nearby bench sat Brain, carefully studying a science book. Floyd approached him and sat on the bench next to him.  
  
"You're the one they call The Brain," he said.  
  
"Uh-huh," muttered Brain without lifting his eyes from his book.  
  
"What book are you reading?"  
  
"Quantum Mechanics for Mortals," Brain replied. He raised his head and acknowledged Floyd's presence. "Oh, hi, Floyd."  
  
Brain continued to read for a few seconds, then raised his head again. "Why'd you drop out of the play?"  
  
"Everybody asks me that," said Floyd, exasperated. "I've just decided that acting's not for me, that's all."  
  
"But you're very good at it," said Brain.  
  
"It doesn't matter how good I am," Floyd complained. "Show business is like any other business. It's not what you know, but who you know."  
  
"I've heard that somewhere before," Brain remarked.  
  
"I'd like to get into a field where talent is more important than politics," said Floyd. "Something like...science."  
  
"Admirable," said Brain curtly.  
  
"Do you think you can teach me about quantum...whatever you call it?"  
  
"I can try," said Brain. "It may take a while, though."  
  
"I've got until the end of recess," said Floyd.  
  
Brain placed a bookmark on the current page, and flipped backwards through the book. "Let's start with Schroedinger's Cat. It's an analogy to help amateurs like yourself to understand the basic principles of quantum mechanics."  
  
"Okay," said Floyd.  
  
"Suppose you have a box with a soundproof lid. There's a revolver in the box, and a switch connected to the revolver. You put a cat in the box, and then you put the lid on. If the cat trips the switch, the revolver will go off and the cat will die."  
  
Floyd, a cat boy, started to become squeamish.  
  
"Since the lid is soundproof, the only way to tell if the cat is alive or dead is to remove the lid. Until you do, the cat is in a superposition of quantum states, alive and dead."  
  
Floyd became increasingly uneasy.  
  
"By removing the lid and observing the cat, you force it to adopt one of the quantum states. You may remove the lid and find that the cat is alive, but an observer in a parallel universe may remove the lid and..."  
  
"Uh...that's enough," said Floyd, who was now sweating. "I think I understand now. Thanks."  
  
Floyd wandered out of the school building and into the playground, where he saw Fern sitting on a swing. He approached and sat in the swing next to her. "Hi, Fern," he said.  
  
"Hey, Floyd," Fern responded. "Why'd you drop out of the..."  
  
Floyd put his hand in front of Fern's mouth to silence her.  
  
"Do you think you can teach me how to write poetry?" he asked.  
  
Meanwhile, Brain had closed his science book and was chatting in the center court with Arthur, Buster, and George.  
  
"He asked me to teach him about quantum mechanics," said Brain. "I'm surprised how quickly he picked it up."  
  
"He asked me to teach him how to be a ventriloquist," said George. "I told him to find a professional to teach him. I'm not so good at it myself."  
  
"I think he should stick to acting," Buster commented. "He can act circles around all of us."  
  
"I wonder..." Arthur began.  
  
"What?" said Brain.  
  
"Maybe he's giving up acting because he's upset over losing the Bionic Bunny audition."  
  
"That's just stupid and illogical," said Brain, shaking his head.  
  
At that moment Principal Haney approached the boys.  
  
"Mr. Powers," he said, "I'd like to have a word with you in my office."  
  
"Uh...certainly, Mr. Haney," said Brain.  
  
As Brain walked away with Mr. Haney, Arthur, Buster, and George gave each other surprised glances.  
  
"The Brain got called to the principal's office," said Buster. "Has that ever happened before?"  
  
"You got me," said Arthur.  
  
(to be continued) 


	9. Chapter 9

"I'll get straight to the point, Alan," said Mr. Haney, sitting at his desk in the principal's office. "I'd like you to be the lead actor in the school play."  
  
Brain was astonished.  
  
"But...Mr. Haney..."  
  
"I know you can do this," said the principal.  
  
"But I get stage fright easily," said Brain. "And I'm not a very good actor. I'm not nearly as good as Floyd Walton."  
  
"Who, for unexplained reasons, has opted out. The play's only three weeks away. What I need now is not so much a good actor, as a good memorizer."  
  
Brain leaned forward in his chair. "Yeah, I suppose I'm good at memorizing things..."  
  
"You're the best," Mr. Haney exulted. "That's why I'm asking you to help. I'm running out of options, Alan."  
  
Brain thought for a moment.  
  
"All right," he said boldly. "I'll do it."  
  
----  
  
"How can you do this, Dashing Don Kindly?" cried Prunella, dressed in a spotted gown and tied to a pair of fake railroad tracks. "I thought you were a hero!"  
  
"Oh, I was," said Brain flatly. He wore a plain yellow sweater and a baseball cap. "For years I wandered from county to county, rescuing helpless damsels from evil landlords. I learned all their secrets. I learned how they think. Then it finally occurred to me--I could make ten times as much money by using that knowledge to my advantage, and becoming an evil landlord myself. Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha."  
  
"No, no, no!" exclaimed Mr. Haney from his chair in front of the stage. "You call that an evil laugh? I've got grandchildren more evil than that."  
  
"I'm sorry, Mr. Haney," said Brain meekly.  
  
"I guess memorizing lines isn't enough after all," the principal remarked. "Before we go any further, let's work on the laugh. Now, Alan, I want you to let loose with the most evil laugh you can manage."  
  
"Bwahahaha," said Brain.  
  
Mr. Haney waved his arms in disgust. "Oh, come on! You couldn't strike fear into the heart of an artichoke with a laugh like that."  
  
Brain walked to the edge of the stage. "I'm sorry. I'm just no good at this. Can't you find somebody else?"  
  
Mr. Haney sighed and started to think.  
  
"Okay, Alan, let's approach this from a different direction. Now I want you to imagine that you're a great scientist. No, you're not just a great scientist, but the greatest scientific genius who has ever lived!"  
  
Brain smiled. "Hmm..."  
  
"Your inventions have led to new sources of energy and turned the tide of great wars. You are admired and loved the world over for your contributions to human knowledge."  
  
"Yes," said Brain dreamily. "They love me."  
  
"But there's just one problem," said Mr. Haney, who was now standing. "You're a little on the crazy side. No, worse. You are utterly, certifiably, stark raving insane!"  
  
Brain started to chuckle wickedly.  
  
"It's not enough to improve the world. You want to rule the world! Rule it... or destroy it!"  
  
"Bwahaha!" laughed Brain more convincingly.  
  
"And you have the perfect invention to carry out your evil plans...an orbiting mind control beam with an impenetrable force field! Nothing can stop you from turning the masses of humanity into your drooling zombie slaves!"  
  
"MUWAHAHAHAHA!" Brain laughed. The rafters in the auditorium started to shake.  
  
The sound of Brain's evil laughter echoed throughout the entire school. It was so horrifying that even Sue Ellen cringed and glanced around fearfully when she heard it. When Floyd heard the laughter that rightfully should have been his own, he shook his head sadly.  
  
----  
  
"The day finally came, and my dad and I packed our things and got ready to fly to Hollywood," said Arthur during his TV interview. "My whole family was proud of me. They watched us leave with tears in their eyes."  
  
----  
  
"I WANNA GO TO HOLLYWOOD!" screamed D.W., pounding the floor with her fists as tears streamed down her face.  
  
Ignoring her daughter's tantrum, Mrs. Read waved goodbye as Mr. Read and Arthur drove away toward the airport. She then came back inside, lifted Kate from the floor, and placed her in the high chair for feeding.  
  
"It's not fair!" D.W. ranted. "I wanna go too!"  
  
"You're too young, and that's final," said Mrs. Read as she opened a can of baby food.  
  
D.W., still crying, stood up and started to pound her fists on her mother's knees. "I'm not too young! I wasn't too young to go to Washington the Sea!"  
  
"That's Washington, D.C.," Mrs. Read corrected her. "And we were only there one day. Arthur and your dad will be in Hollywood all weekend."  
  
"It's not fair," D.W. moaned as she walked away, rubbing her eyes.  
  
"I agree. It's not fair at all," said Mrs. Read as she started to fantasize...  
  
Jane and Dave Read strolled hand in hand down the Walk of Fame, past Grauman's Chinese Theatre and the Roosevelt Hotel. A well-dressed rabbit woman came down the sidewalk towards them, talking on a cell phone.  
  
"Look, Dave!" said Mrs. Read, pointing and smiling. "Here comes Julia Rabbits!"  
  
Mr. Read pulled out his autograph book as Julia Rabbits stopped in front of them. "May we have your autograph, Ms. Rabbits?" he asked politely.  
  
"Certainly," said Ms. Rabbits as she pulled a solid gold pen from her leather purse. "Gotta go. Fans," she said into the cell phone before hanging up.  
  
"We just loved you in Erin Broccolivich," said Mrs. Read.  
  
"Thanks," said Ms. Rabbits as she signed Mr. Read's book. "You don't know how much that means to me. By the way, would you happen to know of a good caterer? The one I've been working with has become undependable."  
  
"I think we can help you there," said Mr. Read.  
  
"Oh, and taxes are gonna be murder next year," Ms. Rabbits continued. "I could use some help from a real expert."  
  
"I know just the person," said Mrs. Read.  
  
"Thanks so much for the autograph," said Mr. Read.  
  
"No trouble at all," said Ms. Rabbits. "Keep the pen," she added, handing the pen to Mr. Read.  
  
As Ms. Rabbits walked away, Mr. Read examined the pen and found that her name was embossed on it, in beautiful cursive letters. "We'll treasure this forever," he said.  
  
As the Reads continued their stroll down the Walk of Fame, Mr. Read became concerned. "I hope the children are all right."  
  
"I wouldn't worry about it," said Mrs. Read. "I hired the best babysitter I could find."  
  
Arthur and D.W. were seated at a table laden with all kinds of delicious food, in enormous quantities. They ate and ate, and were soon on their way to becoming morbidly obese.  
  
"We should have invited Buster," said Arthur as he stuffed his mouth with strawberry pie.  
  
"Who cares about going to Hollywood?" said D.W. as she licked the white frosting from the middle of an Oreo cookie.  
  
Their babysitter, a hunchbacked crone wearing a black robe and hood, shuffled up to the table. "Yes, my dearies," she said in raspy voice. "Keep eating. There's plenty more."  
  
D.W. spoke to her between mouthfuls of chocolate cake. "For someone who looks like a wicked old witch, you sure are a good cook."  
  
"Thank you," said the old witch. "Yes, there's nothing I hate more than a skinny child."  
  
She shuffled over to a crib where a now-overweight Baby Kate had sucked her bottle dry. "Done already?" said the crone, replacing the empty bottle with a completely full one. Kate seized it and began to suck again.  
  
Pal, who had also put on a few pounds, tugged on the old woman's robe with his mouth. "More bacon?" she offered, handing the little dog a plate full of bacon strips.  
  
The witch turned to face Arthur and D.W. again. "Yes, my dearies. Enjoy your dinner, and then I shall enjoy mine! Hee hee hee!"  
  
Mrs. Read abruptly woke up, lifted her head, and wiped the drool from her cheek. "What a horrible dream," she said to herself.  
  
----  
  
Not long afterwards, Arthur and his father were seated together in the cabin of a jetliner, with Arthur in the window seat. Arthur was examining the contents of the seatback envelope, and suddenly pulled out a white paper bag. "What's this for, Dad?"  
  
"It's a barf bag," Mr. Read explained.  
  
"Cool," said Arthur, smiling. Then he became worried.  
  
"Is airplane food really that bad?" he asked.  
  
"No," said Mr. Read, chuckling. "It's for motion sickness."  
  
"Oh, yeah."  
  
Arthur and his father sat in silence for a few moments.  
  
"You afraid?" asked Mr. Read.  
  
"No," said Arthur. "Why should I be?"  
  
"Well, for one thing," said Mr. Read, "the plane will reach a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet."  
  
Arthur gasped in terror.  
  
"What?" said Mr. Read.  
  
Arthur became calm again. "Oh, cruising. For a minute I thought you said crushing."  
  
Moments later the plane started to roll slowly down the runway, while the flight attendants presented the safety information.  
  
Arthur gazed sleepily out the window of the plane...  
  
...when suddenly a Binky-like green-skinned gremlin landed on the wing of the plane and started to rip off the metal panels. It looked through the window at Arthur and laughed wickedly.  
  
"AAAARGH!" cried Arthur.  
  
"What is it?" asked his father.  
  
Arthur looked through the window again. The gremlin was gone, and the wing was in normal condition.  
  
"Oh...nothing."  
  
Arthur leaned back and relaxed as the plane took off into the sky, transporting him to his destiny...  
  
(to be continued) 


	10. Chapter 10

A car pulled up to the entrance gate to Banana-Barberry Studios in Hollywood. A uniformed woman leaned out the window of the security booth and asked the driver, "Do you have a badge?"  
  
"No, I don't," said Mr. Read, who was driving. "I'm Dave Read, and this is my son Arthur. He's the new actor for The Bionic Bunny Show."  
  
"Just a minute, sir," said the security woman as she reached for the telephone.  
  
Arthur looked at his father. "Maybe they've forgotten about us," he said nervously. "Maybe we won't even get past the gate."  
  
"Relax," Mr. Read reassured him.  
  
Moments later, the security woman handed Mr. Read a pair of clip-on badges. "You're good to go," she announced. "Wear these temporary badges whenever you're on studio property. If you go in through the main entrance, they'll point you in the right direction."  
  
The gate lifted, and Mr. Read guided his rental car through the entrance.  
  
Arthur fiddled with the badge that read ARTHUR READ, until he figured out how to clip it onto his shirt.  
  
"Don't lose that," Mr. Read advised him.  
  
They drove past one studio building after another, until they came to a large building with a row of glass doors.  
  
"Here it is," said Mr. Read.  
  
They parked the car and went into the building, where they were greeted by the receptionist.  
  
"Read...Read..." said the young woman as she pored over a list of names. "Oh, here you are. I'll let Mr. Call know you're here. Have a seat."  
  
Arthur and his father sat down near a table covered with magazines. Arthur noticed one in particular, HORSE AND RIDER, which had a cover picture of a little girl riding a horse. He picked up the magazine. "This girl looks a lot like Francine," he remarked.  
  
"Still worried about her?" asked Mr. Read.  
  
"I sure am," Arthur answered as he flipped through the magazine. "It's funny. Here I am about to become a TV star, and all I can think about is when I'll see Francine again. If I ever see her again."  
  
"Her family was an asset to the community," Mr. Read observed. "It's a shame they had to break up like that."  
  
"I wonder what she's doing right now," Arthur mused. "She's probably somewhere being miserable."  
  
----  
  
The kids in Ms. Ropeburn's third-grade class were having the time of their lives, kicking a soccer ball back and forth in a Town City park.  
  
"Over here, Howard!" cried Francine to the gazelle boy, who now wore a shirt with the slogan RESISTANCE IS NOT FUTILE. He kicked the soccer ball to Francine, who knocked it past Summer, the other team's goalie, to score the winning point.  
  
"Way to go, Francine!" yelled the kids on her team.  
  
As the kids wandered toward the picnic tables, Francine received one high-five after another. Then Summer came up alongside her and glowered at her.  
  
"You're pretty good, Francine. I may have to clobber you," she said, shaking a fist. The giraffe girl towered about two feet above Francine because of her long neck.  
  
"You know," responded Francine without a hint of fear, "just because I can't reach your face doesn't mean I can't hurt you."  
  
Summer fell back, looking a bit nervous.  
  
As Francine sat at one of the tables and started to munch on potato chips, some of the other kids walked by and congratulated her. Then Minerva, the half-rabbit, half-sheep girl, sat down at the other side of the table.  
  
"I want to talk to you about something, Francine," she said quietly.  
  
"Okay," said Francine, "what is it?"  
  
Minerva glanced around to make sure nobody was within earshot. "I completely agree with you about the way Ms. Ropeburn teaches our class. It's crazy."  
  
"It sure is," said Francine with a mouth full of potato chips. "My old teacher is a rat, too. His name's Mr. Ratburn, and he's really tough."  
  
"I envy you," said Minerva, her rabbit ears drooping. "What I wouldn't give for a challenging teacher who gives out meaningful homework every day. But instead I've got Ms. Angela 'two and two make four only if you feel that they do' Ropeburn. If I want to learn anything, I have to do it on my own time."  
  
"So...what do you study on your own time?"  
  
Minerva smiled. "I'm about halfway through a fascinating text on industrial polymers."  
  
"I know someone you would like," said Francine.  
  
----  
  
"Arthur? Arthur Read?"  
  
Arthur's reverie about what Francine might be doing was interrupted by the voice of an eagle man--Will Call, the casting director he had met during the audition.  
  
"Oh, it's you," said Arthur, then chided himself for making such a rude statement in front of such an important person in the entertainment industry.  
  
"Shall we get started?" said Mr. Call cheerfully. "We've got a long and exciting day ahead of us."  
  
Mr. Call led Arthur and his father into what appeared to be yet another waiting room. "Wait here, Mr. Read," said the casting director, who then led Arthur through a nearby door.  
  
Mr. Read waited and waited. There was no table with magazines lying on it.  
  
After what must have been fifteen minutes, Mr. Call came back through the door, accompanied by a boy who was almost unrecognizable as Arthur.  
  
Mr. Read gasped in surprise. Arthur now sported a rainbow-colored mohawk and several rings in one ear. He was dressed in a ragged heavy metal shirt, worn-out jeans, and sandals. His glasses had been removed, and his exposed eyes looked like small dots.  
  
"Hi, Dad," said Arthur casually. "Say hello to Cyberpunk."  
  
"Uh...hello...Cyberpunk," said Mr. Read hesitantly.  
  
"I think he looks great," said Mr. Call. "What do you think?"  
  
"Where are his glasses?" asked Mr. Read.  
  
"In a safe place," Mr. Call answered. "Wilbur works without his glasses too, and his eyesight is even worse. Once Arthur gets accustomed to our set, he'll be able to act his part with his eyes closed."  
  
"Which is what I'll be doing anyway," said Arthur, "because the laser visor doesn't have holes in it."  
  
"Mr. Read, you can wait here, or you can wait in the main reception area," said Mr. Call. "It's time to get Arthur in front of the camera."  
  
----  
  
Arthur stood on a darkened sound stage. The fake walls surrounding him made it appear that he was inside of a garage, although he couldn't see well enough without his glasses to know that.  
  
The director, a walrus man named Mr. Clifford, walked up to him and placed an electric guitar in his hands.  
  
"What am I supposed to do with this?" asked Arthur.  
  
"Just pretend that you're playing it," said Mr. Clifford. "And try to make it look convincing. I don't care how it sounds. We'll add the sound later."  
  
"Okay, I'll try," said Arthur.  
  
Mr. Clifford went back to his director's chair at the side of the sound stage. "Now, Arthur, when you see the red light come on, that's when you immediately start playing. Got it?"  
  
"Got it," said Arthur.  
  
"Positions, everyone," Mr. Clifford shouted. "Lights..."  
  
A spotlight suddenly turned on, partially blinding Arthur and making him very hot.  
  
"...camera...action!"  
  
The red light came on, and Arthur started to wave his fingers back and forth across the strings of the electric guitar.  
  
"Stop," said the director. "That's no good, Arthur. Have you ever played a guitar before?"  
  
"Uh, no," said Arthur, "but I've played a piano."  
  
----  
  
Arthur had to struggle through more than twenty takes before he could fake guitar playing in a convincing manner.  
  
"Now we'll put some actual words in your mouth," said Mr. Clifford.  
  
He brought Arthur's glasses and a sheet of paper. Arthur put on his glasses and read what was written.  
  
"Think you can memorize that and say it in front of the camera?" asked the director.  
  
"I think so."  
  
"Good," the director went on, "because when the camera goes on, the glasses come off. Now, here's somebody I'd like you to meet."  
  
Arthur turned and saw a tall, smiling aardvark woman wearing a floral dress.  
  
"Hel-lo!" she said in a sickeningly sweet voice. "How's my little boy?"  
  
The aardvark woman bent over and kissed Arthur on the cheek. He grimaced.  
  
"Makeup," said the director. A makeup person approached Arthur and cleaned up the wet spot where the woman had kissed him.  
  
"Who are you supposed to be?" Arthur asked the woman.  
  
"I'm your mother," she answered. "Well, I'm really an actress."  
  
"Positions, everyone," said Mr. Clifford. "You know what to do, Arthur."  
  
The aardvark woman retired to the edge of the sound stage.  
  
"Lights...camera...action!"  
  
Once again Arthur strummed the electric guitar for several seconds. Then the actress entered the stage, her arms folded.  
  
"Gilbert Sullivan!" she exclaimed angrily. "You stop playing that guitar this instant. You have homework to finish."  
  
Arthur stopped strumming and racked his brain to remember the line he had read. "But, Mom, it's only twenty math problems."  
  
"I don't care!" said the actress. "I won't have you wasting your time in the garage playing that worthless music."  
  
"It's...er, it's not worthless," said Arthur, stumbling over his line. To his surprise, the director didn't stop the take.  
  
"It is worthless, and so are you," the actress continued.  
  
"I'm worthless, am I?" said Arthur. "Then why don't you...uh...volunteer me for a top-secret...uh...government..."  
  
"Stop," said the director. "That's a nice start, Arthur. Now, study your lines some more, and we'll try again."  
  
----  
  
Take after take went by, and Arthur still struggled with the perfect delivery of his lines.  
  
"It is worthless, and so are you," said the actress playing Gilbert Sullivan's mother.  
  
"I'm worthless, am I?" said Arthur. "Then why don't you volunteer me for a top-secret government experiment, and get paid ten million dollars?"  
  
"I think I'll do just that," said the actress.  
  
"Stop," said the director. "That was good, Arthur. It wasn't perfect, but this is just a screen test. We'll expect you back here after lunch."  
  
As Arthur walked off the sound stage, the actress waved after him. "See you later, sweetie pie."  
  
Mr. Clifford rose from the director's chair, and was shortly joined by a dog woman who was the show's executive producer.  
  
"What do you think, Ms. Carver?" Mr. Clifford asked her.  
  
"I like him," said Ms. Carver, rubbing her hands together. "He's good. The aardvark stays in the picture."  
  
(to be continued) 


	11. Chapter 11

----  
  
"So it was a done deal," said Arthur to the news reporter. "My dad was really happy to hear it. I called home as soon as I could and told them the news. Everybody was happy, even my sister, D.W. But we still had a lot of work to do before we left Hollywood. And when we finally did get back to Elwood City, I was in for a real shock..."  
  
----  
  
On a lazy Saturday afternoon, Buster, Brain, Muffy, and Sue Ellen were lying on the grass in a city park. Near to them, the Elwood River flowed peacefully towards the ocean.  
  
"I'm just not good for the role," said Brain. "I can recite the lines without any trouble, but I'm afraid I'll stand up there in front of all the kids and sound like an emotionless robot."  
  
"I dunno, Brain," said Buster. "Your evil laughter is pretty convincing."  
  
"You even scared me," said Sue Ellen.  
  
"But I needed Mr. Haney to pump me up," said Brain.  
  
"I don't get it," said Muffy. "Why doesn't Floyd want to be in the play? I wish we could change his mind somehow."  
  
"You could buy him something," Sue Ellen suggested. "That always works."  
  
"I know," said Buster. "Let's ask Binky to clobber him unless he changes his mind."  
  
"I think we should all talk to him together," said Muffy. "We should tell him that we're great fans of his, and we love to see him act."  
  
"That might work," said Brain.  
  
The kids lay silently for a few seconds.  
  
"I wonder if Arthur's passed his screen test yet," said Buster.  
  
"Yeah," said Sue Ellen. "Let's go find out."  
  
The four kids stood up and started to walk towards the street...  
  
...when Brain saw, in the distance, a man sitting on the edge of the Sage Street Bridge, overlooking the river.  
  
The drop from the bridge to the river was about 80 feet.  
  
"Look over there," said Brain. The kids looked at the man for several moments.  
  
Then Muffy spoke. "That's Mr. Frensky!"  
  
Sue Ellen turned to her. "Are you sure?"  
  
Brain narrowed his eyes. "Muffy's right. That's him."  
  
Buster became alarmed. "You don't suppose he's..."  
  
"Come on!" cried Muffy, starting to run toward the bridge.  
  
The other three followed her. Four blocks later they arrived at the bridge and hurried toward the man, who was indeed Mr. Frensky. He sat with his legs dangling over the edge, appearing to be deep in thought.  
  
When the children reached Mr. Frensky's position, they squeezed through the guardrail. When he saw them, he gave them a grumpy look.  
  
"You kids shouldn't be so close to the edge," he warned them. "It's dangerous. You could fall in and drown."  
  
"Sorry, Mr. Frensky," said Muffy, "but when we saw you here, we were afraid you might..."  
  
"I might what?" said Mr. Frensky impatiently.  
  
"...well, jump," Muffy finished.  
  
Mr. Frensky looked down at the river again.  
  
Brain's feet were near the edge of the bridge. He looked at the flowing waters of the river, and fear welled up in his stomach...  
  
"I'm not going to jump," said Mr. Frensky without looking at the kids.  
  
"Oh," said Muffy. "Well, in that case, we'll just wish you a good day."  
  
As Muffy bent over to squeeze through the guardrail again, Mr. Frensky faced her. "Wait a minute," he said. "Is that what this is all about? Are you kids following me around because you're afraid I'll kill myself?"  
  
Brain continued to stare at the river, his mind filling with terror...  
  
Mr. Frensky grasped the guardrail and pulled himself to his feet. Buster and Muffy gasped, fearing he might jump.  
  
"If you think I'm that hopeless, you're wrong," he told the kids. "I may have lost everything else I care about, but I haven't lost my will to live. Now, if my sitting here bothers you so much, I'll go sit somewhere else."  
  
Brain stood motionless, sweating, his eyes fixed on the river...  
  
Sue Ellen was the first to observe Brain's expression of panic. "What's wrong with Brain?" she asked.  
  
"Oh, he's just afraid of water," said Buster flippantly.  
  
"Come on, guys, let's go," said Muffy as she stuck her right leg through the guardrail.  
  
Brain didn't move. He didn't speak.  
  
Mr. Frensky walked over to Brain and tapped him on the shoulder. "Are you all right?"  
  
Without warning, the terrified Brain wrapped his arms tightly around Mr. Frensky's legs, knocking him off balance.  
  
Mr. Frensky grasped the guardrail with one hand to steady himself. With the other hand he involuntarily swatted at Brain, pushing the boy off of his legs...  
  
...and over the edge of the bridge.  
  
Muffy let out an earsplitting scream as Brain plummeted toward the river below...  
  
(to be continued) 


	12. Chapter 12

Buster, Muffy, and Mr. Frensky watched in speechless horror as Brain plunged into the Elwood River.  
  
Sue Ellen, meanwhile, was unbuttoning her blouse.  
  
"Omigosh! He'll drown!" shrieked Muffy.  
  
"Not if I have anything to do with it," said Sue Ellen calmly as she pulled off her blouse and kicked off her shoes.  
  
"Can you save him?" asked Buster.  
  
"You can't," said Sue Ellen with brutal honesty. "Muffy, call 911. Buster, hold this." She thrust her blouse into Buster's hands. "I'm going in!"  
  
Stripped to her undershirt and underpants, Sue Ellen executed a flawless 80-foot swan dive into the river...and disappeared.  
  
"She's crazy!" said Mr. Frensky.  
  
"She swam across the Amazon when she was six," said Buster. "If she can't save him, nobody can."  
  
"Yes, that's right," said Muffy into her cell phone. "Two kids just fell off the Sage Street Bridge into the Elwood River. We'll need paramedics and resuscitation equipment..."  
  
Seconds later, Sue Ellen's head bobbed above the surface of the water, and the girl began to swim downstream.  
  
It seemed like a full minute before she caught a glimpse of Brain's head appearing briefly above the surface. She started to paddle wildly in his direction.  
  
In the meantime, Buster, still clutching Sue Ellen's blouse, ran alongside the river with Muffy, Mr. Frensky, and an ever-growing crowd of neighborhood residents who had heard the commotion. Muffy continued to speak into her cell phone, alerting the rescue personnel of their current position.  
  
Sue Ellen's strong paddling brought her close to Brain's side within a matter of seconds. The waves repeatedly washed over his face, which showed no signs of consciousness. She wrapped her right arm firmly around his chest, and started to paddle toward shore with her left arm.  
  
Mr. Frensky watched the two from the shore. "Does anybody have a rope?" he asked the gathered crowd. One of the men sped back to his house.  
  
Brain proved to be heavier than Sue Ellen had expected--or it might have been due to the fact that his clothes were filled with water. As she struggled towards shore, he remained silent as the grave.  
  
By the time the man had returned with a rope, Sue Ellen and Brain hade made it halfway to the shore. The man and Mr. Frensky hurled the rope in their direction, and Sue Ellen caught it with her free hand. Seconds later the men had pulled her and Brain onto the shore.  
  
Mr. Frensky quickly pulled off Brain's shirt, and Sue Ellen pressed down on his chest with her wrists. A stream of water gushed from his mouth.  
  
To the barely conscious Brain, it seemed as if he had been transported into a realm of pure white light. Before him stood an Arwenesque elf princess with orange hair puffs, dressed in flowing white robes. She spoke to him in the most beautiful voice he had ever heard, using words from a long-forgotten elf language.  
  
A subtitle provided the translation: "Great. Now I'll have to kiss you."  
  
The elf princess drew closer, until her lips made contact with Brain's...  
  
Brain started to cough and sputter, and Sue Ellen quickly withdrew her mouth.  
  
After several seconds of violent coughing and sputtering, Brain opened his eyes and started to look around.  
  
Then he spoke. Or, rather, he groaned. "Ooooohhh..."  
  
Mr. Frensky bent down and rubbed Brain's forehead gently. "You'll be all right. The paramedics are here."  
  
The sound of an ambulance siren caught Sue Ellen's attention. As she stood up, she saw that twenty to thirty people were watching her curiously...and some of them were pointing video cameras at her.  
  
She was being filmed. In her underwear.  
  
She glanced around anxiously. "Buster?"  
  
The rabbit boy was standing a few yards away from the crowd, holding Sue Ellen's blouse up to his chest to see how well it would fit him.  
  
"BUSTER!"  
  
Buster barely had time to raise his head before an angry Sue Ellen snatched the blouse from his hands.  
  
She pulled the blouse over her head and returned to the place where the crowd had gathered, to see that two paramedics were lifting Brain onto a stretcher.  
  
Mr. Frensky approached and put a hand on her shoulder. "If you hadn't jumped in, we would have lost him," he said proudly.  
  
At the side of the street, Muffy watched as the ambulance drove away. "Yes, Mrs. Powers," she said into her cell phone. "They're taking him to the hospital right now."  
  
----  
  
In the hospital waiting room, Buster, Sue Ellen, and Muffy waited along with Mr. Frensky and Brain's worried parents. Moments later, a male nurse pushed out a wheelchair in which the frail-looking Brain was seated.  
  
"Alan!" cried his mother, embracing him. "Are you all right?"  
  
"I'll be fine, Mom," Brain said weakly.  
  
"He should fully recover," said the nurse. "But he needs rest. Lots of it. He's had a serious trauma. The doctor recommends two weeks without school or homework."  
  
"Not so loud," said Brain to the nurse. "Everybody will want to fall off the bridge."  
  
Brain's parents laughed. "Looks like his sense of humor is still intact," said his father.  
  
Brain's mother pushed him out of the waiting room, followed by the others... except for Mr. Frensky, who stayed behind to talk to the nurse.  
  
"Excuse me," he said, "but I couldn't help but notice that...you're a man."  
  
"What gave it away?" said the male nurse sarcastically.  
  
"All the nurses I've met before were female," Mr. Frensky continued. "Is this some new thing?"  
  
"Sort of," said the nurse. "There's been a shortage of nurses for a number of years now. More and more hospitals are trying to recruit men. I was unemployed for three months before I got this job."  
  
"Hmm," said Mr. Frensky thoughtfully.  
  
----  
  
At the Elwood City airport, Arthur and his father stood on the moving walkway, clutching their carry-on bags. A sign above their heads pointed the way to the baggage claim area.  
  
"It's nice to be home again," said Mr. Read dreamily.  
  
"Yeah," said Arthur, "but I have to go back next week."  
  
"Maybe we should just move to Hollywood," said Mr. Read. "But housing is so expensive there."  
  
"No problem," said Arthur confidently. "I'll be making plenty of..."  
  
He stopped in mid-sentence when he saw something in a nearby bookstore that looked surprisingly familiar...  
  
"Plenty of what?" asked his father.  
  
But Arthur had turned around and started to run down the moving walkway in the opposite direction of its movement.  
  
When he reached the end, he turned around and hurried to the bookstore, where he grabbed an issue of the Elwood Times from the rack.  
  
"What is it?" asked his father, who had followed him there.  
  
"In the paper!" said Arthur, holding it up so that Mr. Read could see the front-page photo. "It's Sue Ellen and Brain!"  
  
The headline, in large capital letters, stated, LOCAL GIRL SAVES BOY FROM DROWNING.  
  
----  
  
Later on the same Sunday afternoon, Mrs. Powers opened the door to Brain's bedroom so that Arthur and D.W. could enter.  
  
"Hey, guys," said Brain, who lay in his bed covered with several warm blankets. A large glass of orange juice sat on the end table.  
  
"Hi, Brain," said Arthur, smiling.  
  
"Hi, Alan," said D.W. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Like I was run over by a 10-ton truck," said Brain with a faint smile.  
  
"You look like it, too," joked Arthur.  
  
Brain chuckled weakly. "I don't know what's more traumatic. Almost drowning, or being rescued by a girl."  
  
Arthur laughed. "I don't get it," said D.W.  
  
"At least this gives me an excuse not to be in the school play," said Brain.  
  
"But I was looking forward to seeing you," said Arthur, "after hearing your evil laughing and stuff..."  
  
D.W. had wandered over to Brain's desk, where she was looking through the eyepiece of a microscope.  
  
"I'm afraid I'm in no condition to act," said Brain. "Mr. Haney may have to call off the play. I was his last hope."  
  
"Unless Floyd decides to take up acting again," said Arthur.  
  
"Why don't you try out for the part?" Brain suggested. "You're a famous actor now."  
  
"Yeah," said Arthur thoughtfully, "but don't you think that would be really insulting to Floyd? I mean, first he lost the Bionic Bunny audition to me, and now he loses the lead in the school play..."  
  
Arthur suddenly grinned wickedly.  
  
"Uh-oh," said Brain. "I recognize that grin. That's the 'I just thought of a totally evil idea' grin."  
  
"Brain?" said Arthur.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I just thought of a totally evil idea."  
  
(to be continued) 


	13. Chapter 13

In the Frenskys' new apartment, Francine and her friends Cliff (the rich horse boy), Mary Elaine (the mouse girl), and Thor (the lizard boy) were seated at a table, playing Cliff's favorite board game, Social Darwinism. Nemo frolicked nearby with a ball of string.  
  
Francine closed her hand over the dice and shook them. "C'mon, lucky seven!"  
  
What she rolled was not seven, but eight. She groaned.  
  
"Oh, dear," said Cliff, who was wearing a fancy silk shirt. "You've landed in the poor house. I believe I own that."  
  
Francine grouchily collected two hundred dollars from her dwindling pile of play money and handed it to Cliff, who placed it atop his enormous stash.  
  
Thor rolled the dice next, and moved his playing piece (a hammer, appropriately) onto a square that was marked, The Light at the End of the Tunnel.  
  
"Awright!" exulted Thor, pumping his fists. "This is always something good."  
  
He picked a yellow card from a pile in the middle of the board, and read it. "Your hostile takeover bid is successful. Five hundred dollars."  
  
Cliff handed Thor a five hundred dollar note.  
  
Mary Elaine rolled next, then moved her playing piece to a square marked, Out of the Gene Pool.  
  
"Oh, no," she groaned. "I lose two turns."  
  
As Cliff prepared to roll the dice, Mrs. Frensky called from the living room. "Francine, get in here, quick!"  
  
"Go on without me," said Francine as she rose from the table.  
  
When she joined her mother and Catherine in the living room, she was surprised by what she saw on TV.  
  
"That's Sue Ellen!" she exclaimed as she sat down on the couch.  
  
On the screen, a news reporter was in the Armstrong house, talking to Sue Ellen and her parents.  
  
"From what I hear, you were a city councilwoman in Elwood before you gave up your political career to follow your husband around the world," said the reporter, a sheep lady.  
  
Cliff, Thor, and Mary Elaine filed into the living room, curious.  
  
"What's this about?" asked Cliff.  
  
"It's my friend, Sue Ellen," Francine explained, "from Elwood City."  
  
"She saved a boy from drowning," Catherine added. "I missed the part where they said the boy's name."  
  
As they watched, Mrs. Armstrong fielded the reporter's questions.  
  
"...and after that we moved to Nigeria, and then Costa Rica," she said. "We never stayed in one place for very long."  
  
"Neither did we," Thor remarked. "My dad works for the World Bank."  
  
"I've never regretted giving up politics for diplomacy," Mrs. Armstrong continued. "Until now..."  
  
On the screen, Mr. Armstrong became visibly alarmed.  
  
"Can you expand on that?" asked the sheep lady reporter.  
  
"Gladly," said Mrs. Armstrong. "I haven't told you what my daughter was doing on the bridge yesterday. She and some of her friends were aiding a man who had been pondering suicide."  
  
"Dad!" Francine gasped. Mrs. Frensky went pale.  
  
"He had lost everything. His job, his family, and his savings, which he had carelessly gambled away at the Golden Fleece Casino!"  
  
"Hoo boy," said Francine. "Here we go."  
  
"His is only one story," Mrs. Armstrong went on. "Many lives have been ruined by that insidious establishment. It should have been shut down a long time ago, but Mayor Crook won't have it. He thinks the casino provides needed jobs and revenue. But he's wrong. Elwood City survived without the casino before, and can survive without it again."  
  
The reporter started to look anxious. Mrs. Frensky and her daughters stared at the screen in wonder.  
  
"Mrs. Armstrong, have you considered that Mayor Cook may be watching you right now?" asked the reporter.  
  
"If he is, all the better," said Mrs. Armstrong defiantly. "I've been thinking about this for a long time, but recent events have moved me to action."  
  
She stood up, holding the microphone, and appeared twice her normal height. "I, Daisy Mack Armstrong, am going to run for the mayorship of Elwood City."  
  
The Frenskys' apartment was suddenly filled with the sound of jaws dropping.  
  
"And I am going to shut down the Golden Fleece Casino," she added.  
  
Mr. Armstrong looked as if he was choking on a piece of furniture.  
  
"And what's more," Mrs. Armstrong continued, her voice rising in pitch with each word, "I'm going to increase the budget for..."  
  
The TV screen suddenly went blank.  
  
"What happened?" cried the astonished Francine. "Bring her back!"  
  
Miles away, in the Read home, Dave and Jane Read could not believe what they had just viewed.  
  
"Is she out of her mind?" Mrs. Read exclaimed. "How can she beat Mayor Cook?"  
  
"I had no idea..." Mr. Read began, but was interrupted when an anchorman appeared on the TV screen.  
  
"We apologize for the interruption of our broadcast," he said. "We are experiencing some technical difficulties, but we'll continue to bring you our interview with the Armstrong family as soon as possible."  
  
In a nearby house, Bitzi Baxter and her son Buster were recovering from the surprise of Mrs. Armstrong's announcement.  
  
"Technical difficulties, indeed," said Bitzi skeptically. "Come on, Buster. We're going over there to get the rest of the story." With that, she grabbed her camera bag and marched out the door, Buster following.  
  
In a mansion a few blocks away, Ed and Millicent Crosswire were discussing what they had watched unfold on their 60-inch TV.  
  
"It's not right," Mrs. Crosswire complained. "Her daughter saves someone's life, and she takes advantage of the media attention to make a political statement."  
  
"Yes, it's Machiavellian, isn't it?" said Mr. Crosswire. "Utterly ruthless." He smiled.  
  
In another mansion, in another part of the city, Bradley Cook, a goat man who happened to be the city's mayor, sat in a black leather chair in front of a large-screen TV. He placed a cigar in his mouth and lit it.  
  
"Daisy Mack Armstrong," he said ominously. "We meet again."  
  
(to be continued) 


	14. Chapter 14

"I keep saying that class sizes should be reduced," remarked Mr. Ratburn at the beginning of the school day, "but this isn't what I had in mind."  
  
The class was missing three of its regular members--Francine, Brain, and Arthur.  
  
"Now I know where Francine is," Mr. Ratburn continued, "and I know about what happened to Alan, but Arthur's absence remains a mystery...unless he's still in Hollywood, that is."  
  
The kids chuckled, and Mr. Ratburn called the class to order. "It's been an eventful weekend. Arthur passed his screen test, but I can't say that surprises me. What does surprise me is that Sue Ellen's mother thinks she can..."  
  
Mr. Ratburn's speech was interrupted by a crackle from the public address speaker.  
  
"May I have your attention, please," came Mr. Haney's voice. "I have a brief announcement to make...hey!"  
  
Suddenly Arthur's voice boomed over the speaker. "I have a LONG announcement to make. I, Arthur Read, star of The Bionic Bunny Show and the greatest actor this school has ever seen, have agreed, despite my busy schedule as a Hollywood celebrity, to take upon myself the role of Dashing Don Kindly in the upcoming school production, "Have Rent, Will Travel". This action on my part has been made necessary by the abrupt departure of Floyd Walton, who obviously felt unworthy of the role. Or maybe he realized that he couldn't hope to compete with such a talented, not to mention famous, actor as myself. Whatever the case may be, you, the students of Lakewood Elementary, now have the privilege of witnessing this exciting production, written and directed by our own Principal Haney, with the renowned thespian Arthur T. Read in the title role. No offense to you, Floyd. Even though you're only a second-class actor, I really wanted to see you in this role...but you blew your chance. This is Arthur Read, star of The Bionic Bunny Show, signing off. School may now resume."  
  
By this time all of Mr. Ratburn's students were laughing hysterically...and so was Mr. Ratburn.  
  
"Calm down, everybody, let's get started," said Mr. Ratburn, but even he was unable to stop laughing.  
  
Muffy finally stopped laughing long enough to speak. "I know what he's up to," she said mockingly.  
  
"What is it?" asked Buster between chuckles. "What's he up to?"  
  
"Isn't it obvious?" said Muffy. "He's trying to make Floyd jealous so he'll do the play. But don't tell Floyd that."  
  
Moments later Arthur came into the classroom, greeted by cheers from the other students. "Thank you, thank you," he said pompously. "No autographs, please."  
  
"Welcome home, Arthur," said Mr. Ratburn as the cheering subsided. "It seems everybody's trying to hog the cameras these days." As he made this remark, he looked directly at Sue Ellen.  
  
The kids were too preoccupied with Arthur's bold announcement and his newfound fame to pay much attention to the lesson. Finally the bell rang, and the kids started to leave.  
  
Arthur, Buster, and Muffy found a bench in the center court. Before sitting, Buster removed a newspaper section that someone had left behind. The front page headline blared, DAISY ARMSTRONG: I'M RUNNING FOR MAYOR.  
  
"My mom wrote this article," Buster boasted as the kids sat down. "It's all the stuff Mrs. Armstrong didn't get to say when she was on TV."  
  
"Like what?" asked Arthur.  
  
"I dunno," said Buster. "None of it made any sense to me."  
  
"Is she really serious about..." Muffy began.  
  
She was interrupted when somebody called out Arthur's name in a loud voice.  
  
"Uh-oh," said Muffy, suppressing a giggle. "Here comes trouble."  
  
Or, more accurately, here came Floyd.  
  
"Uh...hi, Floyd," said Arthur timidly as the older boy stood in front of him.  
  
Then Floyd grinned and stuck out his hand. Arthur shook it, looking surprised.  
  
"I know you'll do just fine," said Floyd, and then he walked away.  
  
Arthur, Buster, and Muffy gazed after him in utter astonishment.  
  
"He...he...he didn't fall for it..." Arthur stammered.  
  
Then he looked at Buster and Muffy in horror as he realized what he had gotten himself into...  
  
He leaned back and groaned mightily.  
  
"I am the stupidest aardvark in the whole universe," he muttered drearily.  
  
"What will you do now?" Muffy asked him.  
  
"What else can I do?"  
  
----  
  
"...then it occurred to me that I could make ten times as much money by using that knowledge to my advantage, and becoming an evil landlord myself. Bwahahaha!"  
  
Mr. Haney threw his hands in the air. "Arthur, Arthur, Arthur..."  
  
"What was wrong with that?" asked Arthur as he stood on the stage holding a script in his hands.  
  
"There's no feeling," Mr. Haney lamented. "Your heart's not into it. I understand that you volunteered as a joke. You don't have to go through with this."  
  
"But I told everybody I would," said Arthur earnestly. "If I don't, I'll be the laughing stock of the school."  
  
"I can postpone the play," said the principal. "I can wait until Alan gets better, or until I find someone else for the part. There's less than two weeks left, and with you going back and forth to Hollywood..."  
  
"I can do this," said Arthur with determination.  
  
Mr. Haney paced the auditorium floor, gesturing with his hands. "It's not the same as Hollywood. You don't get to do take after take until it's perfect. You have to go in front of the audience and do it right the first time."  
  
Arthur jumped off the stage and confronted the principal. "I have to do this, Mr. Haney. What if Wilbur Rabbit and all the people at Banana-Barberry find out I can't handle a stupid school play?"  
  
"Very well," said the exasperated principal. "Go home and practice your lines. We'll see how much progress you've made tomorrow."  
  
"Thanks, Mr. Haney."  
  
Arthur rushed out of the school building, still clutching his script. As he skipped down the sidewalk he passed by Fern's house, where Fern was mowing the lawn.  
  
"Arthur!" she called.  
  
Arthur stopped. "What's up, Fern?"  
  
Fern left the lawnmower idling and walked to the fence. "We're all going to Town City to visit Francine this weekend. Muffy rented a charter bus."  
  
"I can't go," said Arthur regretfully. "I'm going to Hollywood to start work on an episode."  
  
"Oh, well, I guess that's more important. I'll say hello to her for you. Oh, there's one other thing...maybe you've already heard..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Mr. Frensky found a job!"  
  
(to be continued) 


	15. Chapter 15

"Actually, he got two jobs," Fern went on, "one full-time and one part-time."  
  
"What are the jobs?" asked Arthur curiously.  
  
"He's training to be a nurse."  
  
"A nurse?" Arthur was slightly taken aback. "You mean, like, at a hospital? I thought nurses were all women."  
  
"Not anymore," said Fern. "Times are changing."  
  
"What's the other job?"  
  
----  
  
In front of Crosswire Motors, Mr. Frensky stood at the top of a ladder, applying a nail gun to a large sign attached to two wooden posts. In huge red letters the sign read, CLOSE THE CASINO. DAISY MACK ARMSTRONG FOR MAYOR.  
  
After shooting off a few more nails, Mr. Frensky flipped the safety switch on the nail gun and started to descend the ladder. Waiting for him at the bottom were Mr. Crosswire, Mrs. Armstrong, Muffy, and Sue Ellen, all wearing "Armstrong for Mayor" campaign buttons.  
  
"Ah, you're here," said Mr. Frensky when he saw Mrs. Armstrong. "How do you like it?"  
  
"Lovely," she replied. "Just lovely. I think I'll keep you on."  
  
Mr. Frensky put on his handyman belt and placed the nail gun in its holster. "You know, Daisy, for a modest pay raise, I might consider lying into the camera and telling everybody that I really was pondering suicide."  
  
"You can't mean that," said the perturbed Muffy.  
  
"Hey, if it helps win the election and shut down the casino, I'm all for it," said Mr. Frensky.  
  
"In politics, appearances are everything," said Mrs. Armstrong wisely. "He was sitting on the edge of a bridge over a river. Even if I hadn't said anything, everybody would have assumed..."  
  
At that moment her cell phone rang, and she picked it up. "Daisy Mack Armstrong for Mayor, this is Daisy, how may I help you?"  
  
"When did your mom get a cell phone?" Muffy asked Sue Ellen.  
  
"She's had one for a long time," Sue Ellen answered. "Yours isn't the only family in town that can afford wireless service, you know."  
  
The two girls started to wander around the car lot. "I just want you to know that my parents and I are behind your mom one hundred percent," said Muffy.  
  
"So are a lot of other people," said Sue Ellen. "She's been getting calls all day."  
  
"How's your dad taking all of this?"  
  
"He supports her. But he's still upset that Mom didn't discuss it with him before announcing it on TV."  
  
"So," Muffy said with a hint of concern, "if your mom wins the election, what does that mean? No more moving around the world?"  
  
Sue Ellen stopped and looked thoughtful. "Hmm...I hadn't thought about that..."  
  
----  
  
"Mrs. Armstrong's announcement surprised all of us," said Arthur to the newscaster. "Everyone was excited about it. I didn't really have time to think about it, because I had to get ready for both the school play and my first Bionic Bunny episode. I discovered that I could get a lot done if I didn't watch TV, eat, or sleep..."  
  
----  
  
"...then it occurred to me that I could use that knowledge to my advantage, and become an evil landlord myself! Bwahahahaha!"  
  
Suddenly the door to Arthur's bedroom burst open, revealing an angry D.W.  
  
"Arthur Read, that's the four hundredth time I've heard you say that!"  
  
"How do you know?" said Arthur as he lowered his script. "You can't count that high."  
  
"I don't care," said D.W., pointing a threatening finger at Arthur. "If I hear you say it one more time, my brain will explode, and it'll be your fault!"  
  
D.W. slammed the door, and Arthur looked down at his script.  
  
Then the door opened once more. "And your evil laugh stinks!" D.W. added.  
  
As D.W. slammed the door closed again, Arthur realized with sadness that she was right...his evil laugh wasn't convincing in the slightest.  
  
He thought about how Mr. Haney had goaded Brain into evil laughter using the prospect of global domination...  
  
"That's it," he told himself. "I need an evil desire. If I concentrate on the evil desire, then my evil laughter will be sincere."  
  
Arthur had always been such a good kid...but surely there was some hidden demon within his heart...  
  
He imagined D.W. making her way down a shadowy alleyway, glancing about nervously. A cat dined on rotting food in a garbage can nearby. As D.W. walked carefully through the shadows, she repeatedly passed the same two posters attached to the walls. One of them showed a picture of Arthur's glowering face, accompanied by the words, BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU. The other featured the words WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH.  
  
The alleyway led D.W. to a busy street that was apparently in the middle of a large city. Plastered on all the towers were larger versions of the posters she had seen earlier. On a gigantic video screen attached to the side of one building, Arthur's disembodied face barked orders and propaganda to the masses below.  
  
D.W. recognized two of the people who were coming down the sidewalk...they were her parents. They smiled idiotically and continually muttered the same words over and over. As they passed D.W.'s position without seeing her, she was able to make out the words they were repeating:  
  
"Must...keep...smiling... Must...keep...smiling..."  
  
Terrified, D.W. scurried back into the shadows of the alleyway. Then she heard a familiar, friendly voice summoning her...  
  
"This way, D.W."  
  
It was her imaginary friend, Nadine, smiling and holding out a hand.  
  
"I'll take you to a place where he can't see you," Nadine offered.  
  
"Is there such a place?" asked D.W. fearfully.  
  
"Follow me," said Nadine as she turned and walked into a dark alley. D.W. followed her hesitantly.  
  
After a few moments of wandering in darkness, D.W. and Nadine came upon a large metal door with a dim light at the top. A sign on the front of the door read, DO NOT ENTER UNDER PAIN OF DEATH. THAT MEANS YOU, D.W.  
  
"What does it say?" asked D.W.  
  
"I can't read," said Nadine as she pushed open the door.  
  
As D.W. followed Nadine through the doorway, she found to her delight that she was in a bright, colorful fantasy world. She noticed many of her friends frolicking among the flowers and trees...Mary Moo Cow, Spanky the parakeet, Walter the deer, and Toady the toad. So thrilled was D.W., she didn't notice that the doorway she had come through had disappeared.  
  
"Hey, look! There's D.W.!" cried Walter jubilantly. Suddenly all of the residents of the fantasy land converged upon D.W. and Nadine, greeting them warmly.  
  
"Hey D.W., Hey D.W., we love you, yes we do..." they sang.  
  
After several hours of merriment with her friends, D.W. held Toady to her cheek and sighed happily. "It's so beautiful here. I never want to leave."  
  
Suddenly Nadine, who stood nearby, started to speak with Arthur's voice.  
  
"You never will! Muwahahahaha!"  
  
Nadine yanked off the mask that was her face, revealing Arthur's visage behind it.  
  
D.W. gasped in horror. "Nooooo..."  
  
"Did you really think you could escape me?" said Mary Moo Cow as she removed her costume, revealing Arthur inside.  
  
D.W. started to run away, but found her path blocked by what appeared to be Arthur's head attached to the body of Walter the deer.  
  
"You and I are going to spend a long time together! Muwahahahahaha!"  
  
Soon all the residents of the fantasy land were laughing evilly, as D.W. cried out in despair...  
  
"Muwahahahaha!" said Arthur again and again, sounding more evil with each laugh.  
  
The door to his bedroom opened once again, and D.W. poked her head inside nervously.  
  
"That's a lot better," she said, "but can you stop now? You're scaring me to death."  
  
"Oh, come on, D.W.," Arthur grumbled. "In two more days I'll be in Hollywood, and you'll get to enjoy the whole weekend without me."  
  
"I wish you'd go to Hollywood and just stay there," said D.W. angrily.  
  
Arthur glared at her. "Well, I wish you'd go to..."  
  
"Kids, no fighting," called Mrs. Read from the upstairs bathroom.  
  
"We're not fighting," Arthur called back. "We're acting."  
  
D.W. stuck out her tongue, made an ugly face at Arthur, and stepped out of his bedroom, closing the door after her.  
  
"Hmph," said Arthur smugly. He put down the script for the school play and picked up another script from his desk.  
  
"Holy guacamole, Bionic Bunny!" he recited. "If I didn't know better, I'd say somebody's trying to take over the world!"  
  
(to be continued) 


	16. Chapter 16

As Arthur and his father were seated on a jetliner on the way to Hollywood, the bleary-eyed Arthur continued his nonstop rehearsing.  
  
"My name's Gilbert Sullivan, but you can call me Cyberpunk," he recited, clutching a script in his hands. "The same technology that brought you Bionic Bunny has made me the most powerful boy on Earth!"  
  
An elephant woman in the seat behind him tapped him on the shoulder.  
  
"Excuse me, young man," she said, "but if you have to practice out loud, then at least read the script through instead of repeating the same lines over and over. You're getting on our nerves."  
  
"Sorry about that," said Arthur, then immediately proceeded to the next line. "Only one person can defeat me, and that's Bionic Bunny. And he can't defeat me either!"  
  
In a nearby row, a rabbit couple was trying to relax and enjoy the flight.  
  
"I wish that kid would shut up," said the rabbit woman impatiently.  
  
"I think he's pretty good," said the rabbit man. "I'd like to know what happens next."  
  
"Oh, you want me to put the bus down?" Arthur continued. "Fine! I'll put it down!"  
  
----  
  
In Mr. Frensky's apartment, Binky, Buster, and Muffy were carrying out the segments of Francine's drum kit. Mr. Frensky smiled at them as he sat on the couch, dressed in his nurse's uniform.  
  
"I should have you all over to help when I move out of here," he said.  
  
"You're moving?" said Buster, surprised.  
  
"Well, I hardly need a two-bedroom apartment anymore," said Mr. Frensky. "And I want to save as much money as I can."  
  
"Do you work on Saturdays?" Muffy asked.  
  
"For the time being," Mr. Frensky replied.  
  
"Gosh," Binky remarked, "you must have no free time at all."  
  
Mr. Frensky sighed. "That's how it feels when you work two jobs. But I'm going to get back the money I lost, even if I have to kill myself..."  
  
Buster and Muffy gasped in shock.  
  
"...er, I mean, even if I have to work night and day."  
  
Mr. Frensky stood and followed the kids as they moved the drum kit out of the apartment building and into the charter bus, which stood parked at the curb.  
  
Muffy was the last to board the bus. "You have a good trip now," said Mr. Frensky to her.  
  
"I hope things work out for you," said Muffy, smiling. "I'm still hoping that you and your family will be together again some day."  
  
Mr. Frensky's voice was filled with resolve. "As long as there's a chance, I'm not letting go of it."  
  
Muffy climbed aboard the bus and took a seat at the front. Mr. Ratburn, who had volunteered to accompany the kids, occupied the driver's seat. Behind Muffy sat more members of The Rat's third-grade class--Buster, Binky, Sue Ellen, Fern, George, and Jenna.  
  
"Take us away, Mr. Ratburn," Muffy ordered, and shortly the bus was rolling down the highway in the direction of Town City.  
  
"I don't understand why Prunella didn't want to come," Buster remarked.  
  
"You'd think she would feel right at home in Town City," said Fern.  
  
"I wonder what she's doing right now," said Binky.  
  
"Maybe she's hanging out with fourth-graders for a change," Sue Ellen joked.  
  
----  
  
At that moment Prunella was seated at her crystal ball table, with Floyd on the opposite side.  
  
"I still don't see anything," said Floyd, sounding quite bored.  
  
"Keep looking," Prunella advised. "Sooner or later, a pattern will emerge. The spirits need time to adjust to your frequency."  
  
Floyd rose from his chair and turned toward the stairway, saying, "I think this is all a crock."  
  
"It's no wonder the spirits won't talk to you," said Prunella indignantly, "if that's your attitude."  
  
By the time Prunella finished her sentence, Floyd had already descended the staircase.  
  
----  
  
"The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round..." sang the kids as the wheels on the bus went round and round.  
  
Soon the bus passed a sign advertising the World's Largest UFO Museum.  
  
"I've heard that half the people who live in Town City are really aliens," George commented.  
  
"It's the only place where they can live without sticking out," Jenna added.  
  
"Ooooh..." said Buster eagerly.  
  
He imagined himself wandering around the center of Town City, examining the people who walked by. Some were clearly hiding antennae underneath their hats, or tails under their long cloaks. Then he saw a cat woman who was sitting on a bus bench, crying...  
  
"What's wrong?" Buster asked her.  
  
"I'll tell you what's wrong," said the woman tearfully and angrily. "I came to Town City thinking it was the only place on Earth where I would be accepted. But now I find out that the people here are as ignorant and narrow-minded as the people anywhere else. I can't do this anymore. I refuse to wear a mask!"  
  
The woman abruptly stood up and pulled the mask from her face, revealing a mass of tentacles and eyestalks...  
  
"Look at me, everyone!" she proclaimed. "This is what I look like! This is what I am!"  
  
Buster, and the surrounding citizens, gasped in horror at the sight. Several people fainted.  
  
Then two aardvark men wearing black suits and dark sunglasses appeared out of nowhere, and stood before the alien woman.  
  
"Sister, you need therapy," said one of the men in black suits.  
  
"Please don't resist," said the other.  
  
The alien woman bowed her scaly head submissively, and started to replace her mask.  
  
The men in black suits then pulled tubular devices from their pockets, and pointed them at Buster and the passers-by. There was a flash of white light, and Buster felt a warm, peaceful feeling fill his mind and body...  
  
"You didn't see any of this," said one of the men in black suits.  
  
"We're fine with aliens, as long as they act human," said the other.  
  
And suddenly the men were gone, along with the cat woman and Buster's recollection of having seen them...  
  
"Huh?" he mumbled in confusion as his daydream faded.  
  
Shortly thereafter, the bus arrived in front of the apartment building where Mrs. Frensky and her daughters were staying. Francine, who had seen them from her window, rushed out to greet them.  
  
"Muffy, it's so good to see you!" she exclaimed as Muffy disembarked from the bus. "And Mr. Ratburn! I never thought I'd be happy to see you!"  
  
As the kids greeted Francine, Buster and Binky started to unload Francine's drum kit from the back of the bus.  
  
"My drums!" cried Francine with joy. "Oh, thank you! Thank you so much!"  
  
"There goes the neighborhood," Fern quipped.  
  
As the kids started to move Francine's drums and miscellaneous other belongings toward the apartment building, a few of Francine's new friends came out to meet the group. They included Minerva, Thor, and Janet.  
  
"Hey, guys," Francine said to them. "These are my friends..."  
  
"Which of you is The Brain?" asked Minerva.  
  
"And where's the diplobrat?" Thor demanded.  
  
"Uh...that would be me, I guess," said Sue Ellen sheepishly.  
  
"Oh, I didn't tell you," said Francine to Minerva. "Brain couldn't come. He's still recuperating from his little water adventure."  
  
"Oh, no," Minerva moaned. "I was so looking forward to meeting an intellectual equal."  
  
"You'll just have to settle for Mr. Ratburn," said Francine jokingly.  
  
"And what's your name?" asked Muffy as she approached Janet.  
  
Janet pulled a monkey-like ventriloquist's dummy from her blouse pocket and started to talk through it. "My name's Glubglub. Would you like to be my friend?"  
  
Muffy scowled. "Monkeys are NOT funny."  
  
As Muffy walked past her, George approached her with Wally, his giraffe dummy, in hand. Soon the two dummies were engaged in lively conversation.  
  
Moments later, in the Frenskys' apartment, the kids from Elwood City were chatting excitedly with the kids from Town City, while Mr. Ratburn caught up on old times with Mrs. Frensky.  
  
"My dad became a millionaire just before the dot-com crash," said Cliff to Muffy. "I go to school every day in a chauffeured limo."  
  
"Really?" said Muffy, dreamy-eyed. "So do I."  
  
"So I says to him, 'You're lucky you're a boy, or else I'd clobber you,'" said Summer to Binky.  
  
"You lived in Nigeria?" said Thor to Sue Ellen. "We lived in Kenya for six months. I learned to speak the native dialect."  
  
"By the shores of Gitche Gumee, by the shining Big Sea Water..." said Nick, the Pomeranian boy.  
  
"...stood the wigwam of Nokomis, Daughter of the Moon, Nokomis," Fern added.  
  
"I think the percentage of aliens is more like seventy-five," said Mary Elaine to Buster. "They tell us it's only half just so we won't worry."  
  
"Whoa," said Buster with amazement. "It's, like, the melting pot of the galaxy."  
  
"Why do you have so many shirts?" Francine asked Howard the gazelle boy, who was wearing a shirt with the slogan KEEP YOUR LAWS OFF MY SHIRT.  
  
"I keep poking holes in them with my antlers while putting them on," Howard explained.  
  
Meanwhile, Jenna had become visibly bored with Minerva's scientific discourse.  
  
"...according to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, if you exactly pinpoint the location of a subatomic particle, then you completely lose all certainty with regard to its velocity, and vice versa..."  
  
"I have a bedwetting problem," said Jenna bluntly.  
  
Minerva fell silent. Her expression turned to one of embarrassment.  
  
"I agree that nursing is an unconventional career choice for a man," said Mr. Ratburn to Mrs. Frensky. "On the other hand, they said the same thing to me when I decided on a teaching career."  
  
The various conversations were suddenly interrupted when the door to the apartment opened, and Ms. Ropeburn stepped inside, wearing her usual natural fiber dress and peace necklace.  
  
"Am I late?" she asked, smiling. "I have a very creative approach to telling time..."  
  
When Mr. Ratburn saw her, he leaped to his feet. Fire seemed to flash from his eyes.  
  
"YOU!" he roared angrily.  
  
Ms. Ropeburn began to seethe with fury...  
  
(to be continued) 


	17. Chapter 17

"As Nietzsche said, 'Man is something that hath to be surpassed,'" said the rabbit man dressed in a scientist's smock. "We surpassed man when we created Bionic Bunny. And now...we have surpassed Bionic Bunny!"  
  
The man pulled open the curtain, revealing Arthur in red tights and wearing an eye visor. The actors in the audience, all of them dressed like scientists, looked at each other and muttered in bewilderment.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen," the rabbit man continued, "I present to you...Cyberpunk!"  
  
Arthur/Cyberpunk flexed his muscles proudly. He bent over and pretended to pick up an object and lift it over his head. The audience members gasped in wonder and delight.  
  
"Twenty-five tons, ladies and gentlemen!" exulted the rabbit man. "He is every bit as strong as Bionic Bunny, perhaps stronger."  
  
"And it doesn't stop there," said Arthur/Cyberpunk as he put down the imaginary weight. "Watch this!"  
  
He focused his visor on the rear wall of the auditorium. Suddenly the actors in the audience cried out in horror and turned their heads, as if a powerful force had blown away the wall.  
  
Then Arthur/Cyberpunk stretched out his arms as if to fly.  
  
"Wait! Come back!" cried the rabbit man, gazing into the air as if watching Cyberpunk fly away. "You must be trained to use your powers for good!"  
  
"I don't need anybody to tell me what to do," said Arthur, who was still standing on the stage with his arms stretched out. "I can do whatever I want! Muwahahahahaha!"  
  
"Hold it, hold it!" cried the director, Mr. Clifford. "What are you doing? There's no evil laugh in the script."  
  
Arthur lowered his arms and pulled off his visor. "I'm sorry, Mr. Clifford," he said meekly. "It just came out. I couldn't help it."  
  
"I like it," said Ms. Carver, who was lurking inside of one of the doorways to the auditorium. Spotlights and camera equipment were strewn all along the sides of the large room. "The laugh stays."  
  
Mr. Clifford looked at Ms. Carver, flustered. "But he's not a supervillain, Ms. Carver. He's just a misguided kid. It wouldn't make sense to..."  
  
"The laugh stays," said Ms. Carver more firmly.  
  
Mr. Clifford rolled his eyes and sighed. "Okay, everybody, positions."  
  
----  
  
Later that day, Arthur and the Bionic Bunny production crew had moved from the auditorium to a completely empty sound stage. As Arthur took his position on the stage, he noticed the presence of two other actors. One was the aardvark woman who had played Gilbert Sullivan's mother during the screen test...and the other was Wilbur Rabbit, dressed in his Bionic Bunny costume.  
  
As the cameras swerved into position, Wilbur winked at Arthur and gave him a thumbs-up. The aardvark woman blew him a kiss.  
  
"Positions, everybody," Mr. Clifford called out. "Lights...camera...action!"  
  
Arthur raised his arms as if supporting a heavy weight above his head.  
  
Wilbur leaped onto the stage as if he had been flying. "Put down that bus, young man!" he barked at Arthur.  
  
"Oh, you want me to put the bus down?" said Arthur defiantly. "Fine! I'll put it down!"  
  
He then made a throwing motion. Wilbur extended his arms as if to catch something, then fell onto his back as if struck by an enormous fist.  
  
"Great Scott!" he exclaimed as he struggled to his feet. "The boy is as strong as I am!"  
  
"And I've got laser vision to boot," boasted Arthur/Cyberpunk as he focused his visor on Wilbur.  
  
The Bionic Bunny actor spread out his arms and legs as if a bolt of lightning had hit him in the chest, then landed on the floor with a thud.  
  
"Face it, Bionic Bobo," said Arthur petulantly, "you're no match for Cyberpunk! Muwahahahaha!"  
  
Wilbur rose painfully to his feet again. "I think it's time for a little tough love," he muttered angrily.  
  
Arthur and Wilbur assumed wrestling positions and prepared to go at each other...  
  
...when suddenly the aardvark woman cried out in terror. "Help! Help me!"  
  
Arthur pointed toward the ceiling, a shocked expression on his face. "Holy cannoli! That giant robot's got my mom!"  
  
Wilbur looked up and pretended to see the nonexistent robot. "You're right! That means we'll have to stop fighting each other and join forces to save her. How convenient."  
  
"Stop," called the director. "Now, let's skip to the end of the big action sequence. Positions, everyone. Lights...camera...action!"  
  
Arthur and Wilbur shook hands in a friendly manner.  
  
"I've learned my lesson, Bionic Bunny," said Arthur/Cyberpunk. "From now on, I'll only use my powers for good, just like you."  
  
"Then perhaps you'd consider being my, uh, sidekick?" Wilbur asked.  
  
"Not in your lifetime," laughed Arthur. "But if you'd like to be MY sidekick, I'm cool with that."  
  
"Let's discuss it over ice cream," Wilbur suggested.  
  
"Cool!" said Arthur.  
  
"Stop," said the director. "That's good. Arthur, you're doing great."  
  
----  
  
Still later on the same day, Arthur and his father had gathered with Wilbur Rabbit, Mr. Clifford, Ms. Carver, and the aarvark woman actor at a posh Hollywood restaurant. The aardvark woman, whom the others addressed as Meg, sat next to Arthur and took every opportunity to coddle him.  
  
"Our next episode will have magical elements," Ms. Carver told the group. "We're introducing a new villain, an evil sorceress called Morgana la Fea."  
  
"I'll be playing her," said Meg as she ran her fingers through Arthur's short hair.  
  
"The plot will be a quest for the Holy Grail," Ms. Carver continued.  
  
"It's a great script," said Wilbur, "although I'm not sure how many of the target audience will pick up on the references. Not a lot of kids are well-versed in Arthurian legend nowadays."  
  
"Morgana la Fea is Spanish for Morgana the Ugly," Meg explained. "So you can imagine how much makeup I'll have to wear for the part."  
  
"Bionic Bunny has never faced magic before," Ms. Carver commented. "This should take the franchise in an interesting direction."  
  
As she spoke, Meg rubbed Arthur's shoulders with her fingers. Finally Arthur could endure it no more...  
  
"Stop it!" he shouted at Meg. "Yeesh! Don't you have your own kids?"  
  
Meg became crestfallen and removed her hands from Arthur's shoulders. The others at the table appeared a little surprised.  
  
Mr. Read started to rise from the table. "Arthur, follow me."  
  
Sure he was about to be punished, Arthur stood and walked after his father.  
  
The two made their way to a deserted corner of the restaurant. Mr. Read bent over and spoke quietly to Arthur.  
  
"I think you should try to be nice to Meg."  
  
"Why should I?" asked Arthur indignantly. "She's always hugging me and kissing me. She's weird. It's like she thinks she's my mom."  
  
Mr. Read put a finger over Arthur's mouth to quiet him. "I talked to Meg the last time we were here," he continued. "I learned some interesting things about her. She says she always wanted a little boy like you."  
  
"Then why doesn't she get one?"  
  
"It's not that simple," said Mr. Read solemnly. "Arthur, do you know what ovarian cancer is?"  
  
"No."  
  
"It means Meg can't have any children of her own."  
  
Arthur became speechless as he tried to piece together what he had been told.  
  
----  
  
In the living room of the Frenskys' new apartment, Mr. Ratburn and Ms. Ropeburn faced each other lividly. It was clear to Mrs. Frensky and the many gathered children that they were barely restraining themselves from clutching each others' throats.  
  
"What are you doing here, Nigel?" asked Ms. Ropeburn with thinly concealed hostility.  
  
"I am the teacher of these children," Mr. Ratburn answered with all the calmness he could muster.  
  
"I should have known," growled Ms. Ropeburn. "That explains why Francine is so intolerant and opinionated."  
  
"I will not have you talk about one of my students like that," said Mr. Ratburn threateningly.  
  
"I'm not talking about one of your students," Ms. Ropeburn corrected him. "I'm talking about all of them. You treat your students like robots. You crush the spirit out of them!"  
  
"It's called education!" Mr. Ratburn roared. "You should try it some time!"  
  
"Your methods may have worked in the past," said Ms. Ropeburn, "but society has evolved. Children have evolved. They need to be nurtured and guided, not programmed."  
  
"Nothing has changed, Angela. Two and two made four a hundred years ago, and they still make four today. If you'd pull your nose out of your left-wing radical new-age propaganda books long enough, you'd..."  
  
Mr. Ratburn's thought was interrupted when Francine came between the arguing pair.  
  
"Excuse me for interrupting, but how do you two know each other?"  
  
The two rat teachers stopped glaring at each other and looked down at Francine. After a long pause, Mr. Ratburn spoke.  
  
"She's my sister."  
  
(to be continued) 


	18. Chapter 18

The kids gasped in surprise upon hearing Mr. Ratburn's revelation. Francine backed away from him and Ms. Ropeburn.  
  
"That's right," he started to explain. "Rodentia's not my only sister. I have a twin. The reason you don't know about her is because we Ratburns no longer acknowledge her. She's brought nothing but shame on the family."  
  
Instead of responding, Ms. Ropeburn simply folded her arms and glowered.  
  
"But you don't have the same last name," Francine observed.  
  
"She's changed her name before to hide from the law," said Mr. Ratburn bitterly. "After she and her peace-loving friends sabotaged a missile silo."  
  
Minerva walked up to Ms. Ropeburn, looking concerned. "Is that really true?"  
  
Ms. Ropeburn didn't answer.  
  
"Oh, it's true, all right," Mr. Ratburn went on. "My twin sister has led an exciting, colorful life. And now she's landed here in Town City, right under my nose."  
  
"Your nose covers a wide area, Nigel," Ms. Ropeburn quipped.  
  
"I should have expected to find you here," Mr. Ratburn said to her. "Only a city like this one would put up with your eccentricities. Only a city like this one would hire you as a teacher of children!"  
  
"I'm a facilitator," Ms. Ropeburn corrected him.  
  
"There you go again with the F-word," Mr. Ratburn castigated her. "I don't care what you call yourself. I'm going to personally see to it that you are thrown out of your job, and that you never again have the opportunity to corrupt young minds."  
  
"I've endured enough of this!" Ms. Ropeburn turned and stormed out the door of the apartment.  
  
Francine and Minerva looked at Mr. Ratburn with a mixture of wonder and hope. The other kids, and Mrs. Frensky, had confused expressions.  
  
"Can you do that?" Francine asked Mr. Ratburn. "Can you get Ms. Ropeburn fired?"  
  
"Where there's a will, there's a way," said Mr. Ratburn with determination.  
  
----  
  
"When I look back, I wish I could have gone on that trip," said Arthur into the microphone. "Not only did my friends get to see Francine again, but they met Mr. Ratburn's long-list twin sister. That must have been weird. I guess they didn't get along well. Mr. Ratburn acted differently that week. And speaking of acting, that was also the week of the school play..."  
  
----  
  
In the Lakewood Elementary auditorium, the kids had started to assemble for the school play. Behind the drawn curtain, the cast and crew hurriedly made last-minute preparations.  
  
In one of the seats near the back sat Floyd Walton, who looked almost embarrassed to be present. Arthur had been stuck with the lead role due to his inaction, and now he was starting to wonder what kind of experience he was in for.  
  
Dozens of children streamed into the hall, including Sue Ellen, who came and sat next to Floyd. "Hi, Floyd," she greeted him.  
  
"Hey, Sue Ellen," Floyd responded, a little gloomily.  
  
Sue Ellen looked at the program she had been given, and noticed Arthur Read's name at the top of the roster of actors.  
  
"That should have been you," she remarked.  
  
"I suppose so," said Floyd noncommittally.  
  
The two kids sat in silence for a few moments.  
  
Then Floyd spoke up. "So, are you expecting a lot of people at your mom's rally tomorrow?"  
  
"She booked a hall with eight hundred seats," Sue Ellen replied, "but I doubt we'll get that many."  
  
At that moment Mr. Haney walked on to the front of the stage, dressed in an old Western outfit, while Mrs. MacGrady played piano accompaniment.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls," he announced into the microphone, "if you will all kindly direct your attention to the front of the auditorium, I will tell you a tale of sorrow and joy, of tragedy and triumph! A tale of dashing heroes and despicable villains! A tale that will stay in your memory forever...whether you like it or not! A tale called, Have Rent...Will Travel!"  
  
The curtain opened, revealing a facade of an old Western town, with kids in period garb milling about. The signs on the false fronts read SALOON, OPRY HOUSE, HEARTBREAK JUNCTION TRAIN STATION.  
  
Mr. Haney strolled through the town, continuing to narrate. "Welcome to Heartbreak Junction, Kansas. Folks come here lookin' for gold, but don't find none, and don't have enough money to leave. But that's fine and dandy, 'cause this here's a right nice place to live...assumin' you can afford the rent."  
  
A backdrop rolled down in front of the false buildings, creating the illusion of being inside a finely furnished house. Two chairs and an end table were carried onto the stage by a pair of stage hands. Prunella, wearing a spotted gown, entered and sat down in one of the chairs, followed by another girl wearing a shawl and made up to look like a middle-aged woman. Once she was seated, Prunella began to recite her lines.  
  
"Oh, mother, I fear that father has completely lost his mind. All he can do is wander the hills searching for gold. He doesn't eat. He doesn't sleep. He doesn't bathe...ewww!"  
  
"He doesn't make whoopee, either," said the other girl. The kids in the audience laughed.  
  
"And every day he comes home with nothing to show for his efforts," Prunella continued. "Alas, I fear we shall starve if we remain here. How much train fare can we afford?"  
  
"Only enough to get us to Dead Man's Hollow, or maybe Desperation Gulch."  
  
"Whoever comes up with these names obviously doesn't write travel brochures," Prunella quipped. The kids laughed again.  
  
There was a knock on the door...or, more accurately, the wall at the side of the stage. "Come in," said Prunella sweetly.  
  
Onto the stage marched Rattles, dressed in a black suit, black hat, and false twirly moustache.  
  
"Oh, my stars!" cried Prunella, alarmed. "It's Duncan Dreadful, the evil landlord!" The kids started to boo loudly.  
  
"Miss Bickleton, I see that you are two weeks behind on your rent," said Rattles to Prunella in a nasty voice.  
  
"My mother is in charge of such pecuniary matters," Prunella answered.  
  
"This is no longer about money," said Rattles sinisterly. "According to your rental agreement, I have every right to evict you, and you have no recourse."  
  
Prunella became desperate. "Oh, Mr. Dreadful, will you not have mercy? Surely somewhere in your heart of stone lies a long-dormant spark of humanity."  
  
"Indeed," said Rattles, twirling his fake moustache. "I might be persuaded to waive the deadline for your rental payment, on one very generous condition..."  
  
"Which is?" Prunella started to look hopeful again.  
  
"Your hand in marriage!"  
  
The kids started to boo again. Mrs. MacGrady plunked out dark, somber tones on the piano.  
  
"Never!" cried Prunella. "I'd rather...I'd rather..."  
  
"Die?" Rattles suggested.  
  
"Well, maybe that's going to extremes," said Prunella with her tongue firmly planted in her cheek.  
  
"Think it over," said Rattles. "You have ten seconds before I call in my boys, and they throw you and your furniture into the street."  
  
Several seconds went by as Prunella pondered her situation.  
  
"Well?" said Rattles impatiently.  
  
"I will never marry you!" Prunella proclaimed.  
  
"Is that your...final answer?"  
  
"Yes! Yes, it is!"  
  
"Very well." Rattles called to someone off the stage. "Come on, boys!"  
  
Suddenly Mrs. MacGrady started playing heroic music, and Arthur, in the guise of Dashing Don Kindly, leaped onto the stage. He was dressed in a plaid shirt and jeans, and was wearing his glasses.  
  
The crowd of kids went wild with cheering and applause.  
  
"Awright, Arthur!" Buster cried out.  
  
"Go, Cyberpunk!" Muffy shouted.  
  
When the cheering died down, Prunella clutched her heart and smiled ecstatically. "Dashing Don Kindly! I am saved!"  
  
Rattles scowled at the newcomer. "Just who are you supposed to be?"  
  
"Here's my card," said Arthur in a heroic voice as he handed Rattles a business card.  
  
"Dashing Don Kindly," Rattles read. "Helpless damsels rescued. Evil landlords foiled. Good deeds done. Have rent, will travel."  
  
"I hope I'm not too late," said Arthur to Prunella, who gazed at him fondly. "Did he ask you to marry him?"  
  
"Yes," said Prunella proudly, "but I staunchly refused him."  
  
"Great," Arthur remarked. "Then we're legit. Now, Mr. Dreadful, how much is Miss Bickleton in arrears?"  
  
"Thirty-two dollars," said Rattles.  
  
Arthur pulled a few bills of play money from his pocket and handed it to Rattles. "This should cover it."  
  
Rattles greedily flipped the money in his hand. "Yes, that will do nicely."  
  
As he started to walk off the stage, Arthur called after him. "Aren't you forgetting something?"  
  
"Oh, yes," said Rattles, stopping. "Curses! Foiled again!"  
  
As Rattles left the stage, Prunella started to thank Arthur profusely and kiss him on the cheek.  
  
"Uh...Miss Bickleton, I'm afraid I'm spoken for," said Arthur.  
  
Prunella slapped her forehead. "D'oh!"  
  
"You were lucky this time," Arthur advised her. "But remember, many unhappy marriages can be avoided by helpless damsels who pay their rent on time. Now I must be on my way."  
  
"Won't you stay for dinner?" Prunella asked eagerly. "My mother can whip up a mean baba ganoush."  
  
"Your offer is kind," said Arthur as he held his hand to his ear, "but at this very moment I can hear the pleading cries of other helpless damsels."  
  
"Very well," said Prunella disappointedly. "But may I ask you one question before you go?"  
  
"And that is?"  
  
"Where do you get all that money?"  
  
Arthur paused for a moment. "I...can't tell you."  
  
And with that, Dashing Don Kindly hurried off the stage and toward his destiny.  
  
Prunella gazed longingly after him. "Oh, what a charming, handsome, rich man. He's not getting away from me that easily!"  
  
The curtain fell on the first act, as the kids cheered enthusiastically.  
  
Floyd stared at the curtain in utter astonishment. Arthur's performance had been virtually flawless and utterly convincing...in other words, not exactly what he had expected.  
  
Soon the play's conclusion was in progress, and Arthur's acting remained at its high level.  
  
"...and then it occurred to me that I could make ten times as much money by using that knowledge to my advantage, and becoming an evil landlord myself! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Arthur's evil laugh seemed to make the chairs quake underneath the kids in the audience. When it was over, they cheered and applauded.  
  
Arthur smiled at the audience knowingly. "You're supposed to boo, you know."  
  
The audience booed obligingly.  
  
Prunella, tied to a pair of fake railroad ties, wailed in despair. "Alas, I am doomed! Is there no real hero to save me?"  
  
Suddenly a man in a blue and red costume leaped onto the stage.  
  
The kids in the audience couldn't believe their eyes.  
  
It was Wilbur Rabbit himself...as Bionic Bunny!  
  
After overcoming their initial shock, the kids went crazy with applause and cheers.  
  
Wilbur grinned and raised his hand. "Please, stop. I get enough of that from grateful townspeople."  
  
Arthur, as the turncoat villain Dashing Don Kindly, scowled at Bionic Bunny. "You can't stop me. You don't exist yet!"  
  
"Oh, chill out," said Wilbur as he untied Prunella from the railroad track.  
  
"Thank you, kind sir," said Prunella, and then she kissed Wilbur on the cheek.  
  
"No problem at all," said Wilbur, blushing. "Now, I must be on my way. My sensitive bionic ears are picking up the cries of citizens in danger!"  
  
As Wilbur leaped off the stage, Prunella gazed after him longingly. "He's not getting away from me that easily," she said as she rushed off the stage.  
  
"Curses!" cried Arthur furiously. "Double curses! Curses to infinity!"  
  
The curtain closed to the accompaniment of the kids' applause and Mrs. MacGrady's piano playing.  
  
As the curtain call ended, Floyd was overcome with emotion, almost to the point of tears.  
  
"You okay?" Sue Ellen asked him.  
  
He turned to her. "Uh...about that tae kwon do lesson I asked you for..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Forget about it." Floyd rose from his seat and was quickly gone.  
  
A few minutes later, Arthur had changed out of his costume and was making his way toward the school exit. He wondered how Wilbur Rabbit had made it out without being stopped by autograph-hungry students.  
  
"Awesome job, Arthur!" Buster said to him, giving him a high-five.  
  
"I knew you could do it," Fern congratulated him.  
  
When Arthur was halfway to the exit, he found Floyd standing in front of him.  
  
"Arthur?"  
  
"What?"  
  
Floyd's tone of voice was almost reverential.  
  
"Do you think you can teach me to act as well as you do?"  
  
Arthur smiled bashfully.  
  
"I can try."  
  
(to be continued) 


	19. Chapter 19

"I was never paid for my appearance in Arthur's school play," said Wilbur Rabbit during his interview with Fox Hansom. "I'm still waiting for the check to come in the mail."  
  
"That afternoon Wilbur, my dad, and I took the same flight to Hollywood to wrap up our episode," said Arthur. "Little did I know that I would miss something really exciting..."  
  
----  
  
The eight hundred seats in the hall that Mrs. Armstrong had booked for her first campaign rally were filling up rapidly...and the official starting time was still fifteen minutes away.  
  
At the front of the hall, Mrs. Armstrong was preparing slides for her presentation, while Mr. Armstrong talked with Sue Ellen.  
  
"I want to ask you something, Dad," the girl said.  
  
"Go ahead," said her father.  
  
"What will happen if Mom gets elected, and you get assigned to another country?"  
  
Mr. Armstrong thought for a second.  
  
"Why don't you ask your mother that question?" he said evasively.  
  
"I did," Sue Ellen answered. "She told me to ask you."  
  
Mr. Armstrong thought for another second. It still didn't help.  
  
"It's too early for me to answer that question. We'll see what develops."  
  
As Sue Ellen walked away, she pictured a worst-case scenario...  
  
She was wandering through a desert wasteland, the sun beating down on her skin. As she exited a pass between two sand dunes, she was horrified to see a gigantic Zord-like robot towering over her, with her father standing at the control panel.  
  
"You're going to Paraguay with me! Bwahahaha!"  
  
Sue Ellen turned and ran, but was soon confronted by another giant robot, one controlled by her mother...  
  
"You're staying in Elwood City with me! Bwahahaha!"  
  
As Sue Ellen watched in horror, the two giant robots started to battle each other. Soon scraps of metal were flying all over the desert terrain...  
  
...then she suddenly collided with a pair of gigantic Crosswires.  
  
"Hi, Sue Ellen," said Mr. Crosswire cheerfully. "I can't seem to stop running into you."  
  
"You must be really excited for your mom," said Mrs. Crosswire. "She's going to be mayor of Elwood City."  
  
"Uh...yeah," said Sue Ellen without enthusiasm. "I'm just thrilled. Where's Muffy?"  
  
"She and Alan went to Town City in the limo," Mr. Crosswire explained.  
  
"Then Brain's all better?"  
  
"More or less," Mrs. Crosswire answered.  
  
Mr. Crosswire picked up one of Mrs. Armstrong's transparencies and examined it thoughtfully. "Hmm...yes, these are pretty convincing statistics."  
  
"Thanks, Ed," said Mrs. Armstrong as she fiddled with the overhead projector.  
  
"No doubt about it, Hank," said Mr. Crosswire to Mr. Armstrong, "that wife of yours has a fine head on her shoulders."  
  
Mr. Armstrong grinned. "Well, you don't think I married her for her looks, do you?"  
  
"I'll wait until after the rally to kill you," Mrs. Armstrong said to him.  
  
The Crosswires were closely followed by Mr. Frensky, who was, surprisingly, not wearing his nurse uniform.  
  
"Where's your uniform?" Mrs. Armstrong asked him.  
  
"Where's your sari?" Mr. Frensky asked back.  
  
"I only wear the sari on TV," Mrs. Armstrong explained.  
  
Mr. Frensky looked out at the assembled throng and observed that the chairs were all occupied. People were standing next to the walls, and more and more were trying to push their way into the hall.  
  
"This is a little more than eight hundred," he remarked.  
  
Mrs. Armstrong surveyed the crowd with concern. "I'll just have to talk really loud, and hope I'm not violating the fire code."  
  
Sue Ellen tapped on her hip. "Mom, we don't have enough buttons for all these people."  
  
"Great," Mrs. Armstrong muttered. "You'll just have to count them by hand, then."  
  
"Oh, joy."  
  
Mrs. Armstrong started to speak into the microphone. "Testing...testing..." Her voice echoed throughout the hall.  
  
As Sue Ellen undertook the thankless task of counting the seemingly numberless masses, Mrs. Armstrong began her discourse.  
  
"Citizens of Elwood City, my name is Daisy Mack Armstrong."  
  
Applause and cheers rang up from the audience.  
  
"As you know, I am running for mayor of Elwood City."  
  
Once again she was interrupted by cheers and applause.  
  
"I served two terms as a city councilwoman. For the past nine years I have lived in various parts of the world with my husband Hank, who is seated up here with us. Many things have changed since I started my political career, but one thing has remained the same...Mayor Crook!"  
  
A few boos were heard from the audience members.  
  
"Mayor Crook thinks legalized gambling is a good thing for Elwood City."  
  
More boos were heard.  
  
"Nine hundred and twelve...nine hundred and thirteen..." Sue Ellen muttered as she counted the people standing in the aisles.  
  
She suddenly gasped. Nine hundred and fourteen was a familiar-looking goat man...  
  
The man noticed Sue Ellen's gasp and looked down at her. "Hello, Miss Armstrong," he said in a friendly manner.  
  
"You're Mayor Cook," Sue Ellen observed.  
  
"Yes," replied the mayor. "At least someone here is getting my name right."  
  
"It's nice to meet you," she said politely, then moved on. "Nine hundred and fifteen...nine hundred and sixteen..."  
  
Shortly Mrs. Armstrong sat down, and Mr. Frensky rose to the podium.  
  
"I lost everything because of the casino," he began. "My savings, my family, and almost my life. I was on the verge of throwing it all away when four kids came to my side and gave me hope..."  
  
It occurred to Sue Ellen that Mr. Frensky was probably lying, but she pushed the thought to the back of her mind. "One thousand and one...one thousand and two..."  
  
One thousand and eight. That was the number of people inside of the hall. Sue Ellen pushed open a rear door to see how many people were standing outside, listening to the proceedings through the speakers...  
  
...and beheld a multitude about twice as large as the one inside.  
  
She groaned.  
  
----  
  
"The election's two weeks away," said Arthur as Fox Hansom interviewed him. "Mrs. Armstrong's doing pretty well in the polls. We're all excited to see how it turns out."  
  
"Thank you very much, Arthur," said the smiling Fox. "We're about out of time, so I'd like to thank our guests once more. Wilbur Rabbit and Arthur Read, stars of The Bionic Bunny Show. Coming up: Yet another episode of Bionic Bunny!"  
  
As Fox's grinning face vanished from the TV screen, the Reads clapped and cheered to celebrate Arthur's successful interview.  
  
"That was awesome!" shouted D.W.  
  
All across the neighborhood, which was now blanketed with DAISY FOR MAYOR campaign signs, the kids and their parents reacted positively to Arthur's TV interview.  
  
"Way to go, Arthur!" exclaimed Buster, who wore a WE LOVE DAISY T-shirt. "You da man!"  
  
"That was so cool!" said Muffy. At the end of the string she held was an orange hot-air balloon shaped and painted like Sue Ellen's head, complete with hair puffs.  
  
Sue Ellen's real head was looking a little downcast. She had just switched to a news show, which had announced that her mother was 12 points ahead in the latest polls.  
  
"She's gonna win," she said to herself. "My mom's gonna be mayor. What if my dad transfers somewhere without her? What if we split up like the Frenskys did?"  
  
(to be continued) 


	20. Chapter 20

Later that evening, at the office that served as the Armstrong for Mayor campaign headquarters, Mrs. Armstrong was discussing the latest poll results with Mr. Frensky, who had been promoted to campaign secretary/treasurer.  
  
"With only two weeks until the election, I'd say it's practically in the bag," Mr. Frensky commented.  
  
"Maybe so," said Mrs. Armstrong, "but I wouldn't underestimate Bradley. He may still have a trick or two up his sleeve."  
  
In the reception room, Sue Ellen sat on a couch, pretending to read a Henry Skreever book. In reality, she was pondering what her next action would be.  
  
"I've waited too long to do this," she thought. "It has to be now."  
  
Her eyes filled with determination, she put down her book and made her way to the room where her mother and Mrs. Frensky were working.  
  
"Yes, honey?" said Mrs. Armstrong when she saw her daughter come in.  
  
"Mom? Mr. Frensky?"  
  
"Yes?" they both said.  
  
Sue Ellen cleared her throat. "I think you should stop lying."  
  
Mrs. Armstrong and Mr. Frensky were stunned by her statement.  
  
"Lying?" said Mrs. Armstrong. "About what?"  
  
"Mr. Frensky, you had no intention of jumping off the bridge," said Sue Ellen boldly. "You told us so yourself. Mom, you know that's the truth. But you've been lying about it through the whole campaign."  
  
Mrs. Armstrong became visibly worried.  
  
"Yes, I admit I took a little dramatic license in hopes of making a stronger statement against the casino..."  
  
"You lied, Mom," Sue Ellen corrected her. "You should tell the people the truth."  
  
"I will," said Mrs. Armstrong, "but now isn't the time..."  
  
"Now IS the time!" Sue Ellen cried indignantly. "If you won't tell the truth then I will! I'll go straight to Mrs. Baxter and tell her the whole story. I'll even tell Mayor Cook if I have to."  
  
The two grownups looked at each other, clearly disturbed by the girl's sudden outburst.  
  
Then Mrs. Armstrong put a hand on Sue Ellen's shoulder. "There's no need for you to do that," she said kindly.  
  
----  
  
The next morning, Pal carried the daily issue of the Elwood Times into the Read house as he always did. Mr. Read, who was seated at the breakfast table with his wife, Arthur, D.W., and Kate, took the paper from Pal's mouth.  
  
When he unfolded it and read the front page headline, he gasped.  
  
"What is it, dear?" asked Mrs. Read.  
  
Mr. Read showed her the headline: DAISY ADMITS SUICIDE LIE.  
  
----  
  
The kids in Mr. Ratburn's class could talk about nothing else that day. Shortly after school, Buster, Muffy, Brain, and Sue Ellen were gathered at the Sugar Bowl, talking about the surprising turn of events.  
  
"I doubt that Mrs. Armstrong decided to tell the truth out of the goodness of her heart," Muffy opinionated. "Not when it's so close to the election. We're the ones who were with Mr. Frensky on the bridge that day. One of us must have threatened to blab, and it wasn't me."  
  
"It wasn't me either," said Brain.  
  
"Or me," said Buster.  
  
All eyes turned to Sue Ellen, who was keeping her silence.  
  
"Well?" said Muffy.  
  
"It was me," Sue Ellen finally admitted.  
  
The other kids became speechless with shock.  
  
"But...why?" Muffy asked. "Why would you sabotage your mom's campaign like that?"  
  
Sue Ellen didn't speak.  
  
"We're waiting," said Brain impatiently.  
  
Sue Ellen took a deep breath. "I don't really want my mom to win."  
  
Once again the other kids were shocked into silence.  
  
Before the could speak, Sue Ellen continued. "To you, Elwood City is home. But to me, it's just another stop. If my mom wins, I could be stuck here forever. Or worse...my parents could split up, like the Frenskys."  
  
"I'm sure your parents would never split up over something like that," said Brain comfortingly. "Did you talk to them about it?"  
  
"I tried," Sue Ellen answered, "but they always said they would discuss it later."  
  
"What we have here is a serious failure to communicate," Brain observed.  
  
"You won't tell my mom what I said, will you?" Sue Ellen pleaded.  
  
"I won't tell her," said Buster, "but I think you should tell her."  
  
----  
  
Two weeks passed. All the kids were gathered at the Armstrong house, anxiously waiting to hear the election results on TV. The dining table was laden with all kinds of snacks.  
  
"Quiet, everybody! It's on!" said Arthur.  
  
At the same time, Mrs. Frensky, Francine, and Catherine were huddled in front of the set, hoping for a decisive Daisy victory.  
  
"Here it comes!" said Francine excitedly. "Cross your fingers!"  
  
"The preliminary results of the Elwood City election are in," said one of the two newscasters. "So far, incumbent Mayor Bradley Cook has an oh-so-slight lead over challenger Daisy Mack Armstrong in most districts."  
  
Francine and Catherine groaned.  
  
The kids at Sue Ellen's house groaned.  
  
"It's not over yet," said Buster between handfuls of popcorn.  
  
"This election may prove too close to call," said the other newscaster. "It all seemed cut-and-dried two weeks ago, when Armstrong was 12 points ahead in the polls, and then she dropped that bombshell about the fabricated suicide sob story..."  
  
Sue Ellen left the crowd of kids and approached her mother, who was bringing more snacks to the table.  
  
"Mom," she said somberly, "it looks like I cost you the election. I'm sorry."  
  
"No one's blaming you, dear," said Mrs. Armstrong with a smile. "Things like this happen in elections. They're unpredictable."  
  
Three hours passed. The kids had eaten all the snacks, and Mrs. Armstrong had gone to the grocery store to buy more (the clerks were, to say the least, surprised to see her there).  
  
"Cook's lead over Armstrong is still extremely slight," said the newscaster. "It's starting to look like a recount is on order."  
  
The kids groaned again.  
  
Mrs. Armstrong entered through the front door, carrying a bag full of chocolate bars. "What's the latest?" she asked the kids.  
  
"They're talking about a recount," Muffy answered.  
  
"Great," muttered Mrs. Armstrong. "This could stretch out for days."  
  
She picked up the phone and dialed a number. "Yes, this is Daisy. That close, is it? I'm coming over there. See you soon."  
  
As she hung up the phone, the kids watched her curiously.  
  
"What was that about?" asked Fern.  
  
"That was the election office," Mrs. Armstrong explained. "I'm headed out there. If a decision isn't made soon, I may have no choice but to concede."  
  
The kids gasped.  
  
"Mom, no!" Sue Ellen cried.  
  
"I don't want the wheels of government to grind to a halt while we haggle over a few hanging chads. I'll be back soon...I hope." With that, Mrs. Armstrong marched out the front door.  
  
In Town City, Mrs. Frensky talked to Francine and Catherine about the latest election results.  
  
"Knowing Daisy, she's probably planning to concede defeat," said Mrs. Frensky.  
  
"At least one good thing came out of this," Catherine remarked. "We know that Dad wasn't really going to jump off the bridge."  
  
----  
  
The newspaper lying on the table in the Armstrong for Mayor campaign office announced the story: COOK RE-ELECTED. ARMSTRONG CONCEDES.  
  
Mrs. Armstrong finished sorting through her financial records, and closed the drawer to the file cabinet. "All finished."  
  
"So," said her husband, "how much did that set us back?"  
  
"All together, a total of approximately seventy-two thousand dollars."  
  
Mr. Armstrong winced. "It's going to take a while to pay that off."  
  
Mrs. Armstrong sighed.  
  
"Let's try to run the next campaign more efficiently, okay?" said her husband.  
  
They smiled at each other.  
  
----  
  
"I was just on the phone with Sue Ellen," Francine told her mother. "Do you know how much the election cost them? Seventy-two thousand dollars."  
  
"Ouch," said Mrs. Frensky. "That's quite a chunk. I'll never see that much money."  
  
"Mom, I've been thinking..."  
  
Francine and Mrs. Frensky sat down together.  
  
"The Armstrongs spent all that money, and they have nothing to show for it. But they still love each other, and they don't blame each other."  
  
"Yes," said Mrs. Frensky. "So what's your point?"  
  
"Maybe Muffy's right," Francine continued. "Maybe the eight thousand dollars Dad lost gambling is just a drop in the bucket. He's been working hard since then, and he hasn't gone back to the casino."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Francine's voice started to break. "Mom, I still love Dad, and I know you do, too. Maybe it's time to...to think about giving him another chance."  
  
Mrs. Frensky gazed at her wordlessly.  
  
"It's something to consider," she finally said.  
  
----  
  
One month later, Linda Frensky and her daughters moved back to Elwood City and were reunited with Oliver. All was forgiven, and they lived happily, if not luxuriously, ever after. (Oliver even got back his sanitation job eventually.)  
  
After starring in a season of Bionic Bunny episodes, Arthur was notified that Ms. Carver had planned a new direction for the franchise. She wanted to appeal to a vast untapped market...girls. In short, Arthur was being replaced by a girl sidekick. The actor's salary that Arthur had not donated to Mrs. Armstrong's campaign was placed in his college fund. However, Arthur had gained more than a little money in Hollywood. Meg became a good friend of the Read family, and often came to Elwood to visit. After some time, Arthur and D.W. began to refer to her affectionately as "Auntie Meg".  
  
Mr. Ratburn contacted the Town City school district and voiced his concerns over the employment of his twin Angela Ropeburn as an elementary teacher. The district promised to investigate his claims, but never did, as Ms. Ropeburn suddenly disappeared from Town City one morning, and was never seen there again. She was replaced by an old-school teacher who had a great love of science, much to Minerva's delight.  
  
The Armstrongs eventually paid off their campaign debts. Mrs. Armstrong did not run for mayor again, but was content to support her husband in his diplomatic career. The casino remained in business for another twelve years, at which point it started to lose money and was converted into a library.  
  
And so, as in any good Arthur story, all ended happily, and the status quo was preserved.  
  
THE END 


End file.
